I am Beautiful not Am I Beautiful?

Often times I asked my husband, am I beautiful? And his automatic response is you’re the most beautiful woman in the whole world. And he will crown it by saying, more than so and so, i.e a movies star, a model or even a beauty queen. Alone, I usually consider his response and always thought he had actually told me what he felt I needed to hear, and I will say to myself, once I was beautiful now I am fat and ugly.

This insecurity usually comes after meeting old friends and acquaintances that once knew me as a very slim and beautiful young lady. But after two kids and several years of marriage, my appearance has totally changed; personally I am now overweight with a tummy that refused to go down after childbirth. Obviously I don’t see myself as he is seeing me and I’d rather see myself as those old friends are seeing me. But having read Ephe 2:10 as made me realise that I am indeed beautiful, forget about physical appearance, I have a beauty within that transcend outwards to magnify my physical beauty.

Friends have been known to sometimes tell me, you don’t have a problem because you’re very pretty and your husband won’t get tired of looking, NO, beauty is more than outward appearance. Never compare yourself with others, who are thinner, curvier or younger than you are, but remember you are God’s MASTERPIECE

Whether old or young, God made us beautiful, but most of us allow cares and worries to take away that beauty from us. The beauty within us is supposed to connect with the physical beauty to give us the glorious look we have been gifted with from God i.e, if we light up from within, any plain face we have will be good to behold.

Even if it is not possible for us to get rid of that plain face, excess fat and other physical imperfections ………… it is possible for us, with God’s help, to grow a mind and soul so big that when people look at our faces, they see an uncommon beauty from the father of creations. If you love God and do his will then you are beautiful because strength and beauty are in his sanctuary Psa 96:6b

Why do we tell lies?

Lies are told to hide certain truths about a situation from others basically because we are afraid of the consequences of telling the truth. To some lying comes naturally, they are born liars while others are forced to lie in response to an intrusive, inappropriate question. Whichever, lying is bad, it is not socially acceptable, neither is it morally accepted and God frowns on it as evidenced in the ten commandments.

Lying however undermines the trust we feel for each other. Lies has been known to destroy a perfectly healthy and loving relationship. Personally, I find it extremely difficult to lie to my husband; I rather hold the truth until I am able to tell it as it is than fabricate a bunch of lies that I may end up contradicting. And my greatest fear about lying is to say one thing today and another tomorrow, accidentally contradicting myself and putting my integrity to the test.

Nothing good comes from lying; liars lose respect, integrity, and status and even look foolish when found out. Lies destroys relationships, friendships and find it difficult being around the person you have lied to.

Learn to be trustworthy by telling the truth at all times no matter what the situation is.

Look up:

Job 11:3

Psalms 101:7

Proverbs 14:5

Coping with the death of a loved one.

Author Edgar Jackson describes grief as the silent, knife-like terror and sadness that comes a hundred times a day, when you start to speak to someone who is no longer there. It is the emptiness that comes when you eat alone after eating with another for many years. Grief is teaching yourself to go to bed without saying good night to the one who had died. Grief is the helpless wishing that things were different when you know they are not and never will be again. Grief is a whole cluster of adjustments, apprehensions, and uncertainties that strike life in is forward progress and make it difficult to redirect the energies of life.


Losing a loved one is a difficult thing, fewer things in life will ever affect more deeply. The intense pain of loss and the difficulty of facing the future without the other person is much more than a lot of people can bear. To deal with grief, it is advisable to;

Not hold back the tears, as crying will help to ease the pain of loss.

Communicate feelings as keeping the feelings bottled up inside will make it difficult to deal with grief. Prov 12:25 Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad.

Talk to close friends because a friend loveth at all times, and a brother is born for adversity Prov 17:17Address feelings of guilt if there is any

Talk to God about it. To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified. Is 61:3

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Entrecard Contest At The Painted Veil-Updated Details

There is an Entrecard Contest at The Painted Veil. The detail is as described below.

Win a free 30 day add here at The Painted Veil for the month of October. This is open to all Entrecard blogs that have a PG rating only. I will consider R rated blogs only if their content relates to social and/or historical events. Blogs containing offensive fowl language, imagery or obvious hateful prejudicial content relating to any person, culture, life style, religious affiliation, or any country will not be eligible. Please note political and current event news blogs will be fine as long as their content does not contain material that is placed for shock value only.

How To Win

One blog will be chosen via random generator at the end of September. I am a PR4 blog and my Entrecard popularity rating is 1093 in my category. There are 31 days in the month of October so this prize is valued somewhere betwen 46,000 and 47,000 Entrecard Credits. I am a well established blog with 424 members at MyBloLog and a rating of 81.1 at Blog Catalog. To enter please subscribe to The Painted Veil via my RSS feed. Subscribe to my blog via email and also write a small post on your blog telling your readers about this contest. Please let me know when you completed all by leaving me a comment here on this post along with the URL to your blog.

At the end of September one blog will be chosen via random generator to have their add placed directly below my current EC widget and will run for the entire month of October. No third party paid advertisers will be accepted. This offer is for blogs only. The monthly commenter widget has been installed so let's get started and good luck to everyone!

“Leave and Cleave”

Mark 10:7 & 8, for this reason a man will leave his father and mother, and the two will become one flesh. So they are no longer two, but one flesh.

I love the leaving and cleaving part, it has always appealed to me whenever I need to address a situation in which relatives find it difficult to understand that marriage is between just two people, the husband and the wife. Whatever problems they encounter in their union should not be seen by relatives (parents) included as a signal that they need to intervene.

I call it “nose posing” into affairs of the heart. It complicates issues and makes it extremely difficult to settle such issues within the confines of the bedroom. Parent want to take sides, they will be partial to their own whether he/she is the injured party or not. It is in a rare case that we have impartial parents, ready to tell it as it is, believing that both husband and wife have become their own through their union. And even at that, there is a limit to the kind of info you allow them acess to if you want your marriage to last long. Important points to note:

Never let your relatives know who owns what in the house, let it be understood at all times that everything you have is jointly owned by both of you.

Don’t complain about your spouse to any of them, if you do, you are leaving your spouse open to criticisms, either immediately or later in the future.

Always let them know of your love and respect for each other, that way, they will find it difficult to be disrespectful.

Let them understand that you value each others opinion; when you need to consult each other before taking a decision or committing to something they will not read other meanings into it.

Above all, make them understand that their interference will not be appreciated, that way; they will leave you alone to sort out your problems if the need arose.

All these mean that you will truly be in love and LOVE IS A COMMITMENT WITH A BEGINNING AND NO END. So watch it and don’t allow others dictate the pace of your marriage. Relatives have their place in our lives, but not in our marriage!

Influencing lives?

My son Ladi is three years plus now, but even before this age his father’s influence on him was so great that, he always wants to do exactly what dad is doing, has done or did. An example of this is his refusal to wear shorts, he want to be in trousers at all times. I find this hard to understand until one day a friend I discussed this with told me that he did not want to wear short/knickers because he has never seen the dad go on an outing with a short. Quite amazing!

Same goes for some of us, we are so influenced by others that we want to be like them in all ways, we want what others have, even try harder to be what others are. It is good to be influenced by other people, but the great question is “do you influence others?”

Does our lives touch others in unforgettable ways?

Do people want to act, talk, dress, walk and live our lives?

How do we influence our young children at home?

My life is an example, every time I get angry in the presence of my children (not at them), they go very quiet and I will know that I have made an impression on them, A WRONG IMPRESSION AT THAT! Something happened this morning, and my son asked, “Mummy, why were you shouting and talking so much?” I felt so ashamed, and I started wondering the kind of influence I am having on that impressionable young mind by getting unnecessarily annoyed even though the anger was more than justified!

INFLUENCE! Children who see physical violence between their parents are more likely to abuse their own spouses after they marry and if they were also hit by their parents as teenagers, they are more likely to abuse their spouses.

Remember that how we live our lives matters so much to God and others around us. May God teach us to be more like him!

Christianity and family planning.

I have read series of articles about this hot topic on various websites some of which will be listed after this post for reference. Family planning is proving to be a controversial issue in Christendom and I have to wonder why.

Some Christians believe it is wise for Christians to use birth control while some others for reasons best known to them believe it is a sin because children are God’s gift. Of course I believe that everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, but I have seen good Christians have several children they could not cater for all because they refuse the use of birth control. I believe that one should have children they can comfortably feed, cloth, send to school and offer good parental care.

I wonder which is the greater sin, bringing children into the world to suffer poverty or taking care to not have more than you can care for. If you plan to have lots of children, you should be financially capable of taking care of them. After having the numbers of children you want, then what happens to sex in the marriage? I hope it is not forgotten that Apostle Paul says; husband and wife should not deny each other so they will not be tempted 1 Cor. 7:5.

What then is the sin? Use of birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies as a married couple?

Deny your husband or wife sexual pleasure because you don’t want to have any more children, thereby causing him/her to stray?

May God help us all!

ThinkChristian

Pure Intimacy

Crosswalkmail

For Men’s Attention:Ways to keep your wife closer:

Treat her like a queen!

Most men are under the impression that women, if treated nicely will get spoilt, grow wings or have an inflated ego. NO! When a woman is treated well and accord all due respect, it brings out the good qualities in her. Remember there is a sublime level where, if you carry a person to, he/she begins to acquire noble qualities and show grace rather than being naughty. It is to this level that husbands must lift their wives. Recall the popular saying; “you scratch my back I scratch your back”. Treat her well and you will receive it in good measure.

Care for her

Fact of the matter is that women love to be cared for. We love to be pampered and treated like a queen, no woman is an exception. And care is one of the ways that any wise man will employ to his wife closer. If you must keep your woman closer, you must work hard at caring for her needs, finding out what makes her happy or cry, cry with, laugh with her according to the season tell more than any word could.

Consult her;

When taking decisions that directly or indirectly affect her, please consult her. She is supposed to be the sounding board on which your plans and moves will be tested before taking decisions. She is your second in command and so should be your no.1 adviser.

Seeking her advise is important as this will make her realise how much you value and believe in her even when you will not be bound by the advise.

Lovemaking:

In this generation, women are beginning to regard the level of lovemaking demanded by their husbands as an index of the love they have for them because the world we live in now, there are intruders and man snatching is rampant, it is possible that a man had already has his fill outside only for him to come home to ignore the wife or see the wife as undesirable. The level of lovemaking demanded by a man can be an indication of the man’s faithfulness to his wife, so it is highly important to have a good bedroom relationship as it can breed a closeness that is noticeable at any level of marriage.

Going out and surprise purchases for her can really show that you care.

Showing that you care.

It is a known fact that the success of a marriage depends on the two people involved; they both need to work together to ensure happiness in the marriage. Can two walk together unless they agree? NO! It is the responsibility of the partners to make each other happy. The usual trend in homes is that the men go out to work in order to support their family while the wife take care of the home in his absence. But these days, most wives assist to complement the effort of their husband by working, even though the household chores is already a full time employment. It is sometimes very tiring to combine career with our duties as wives and mothers. Wives need to be encouraged and appreciated, we need to be cherished, we need our husbands going extra length for us, we need our husband’s support and affection, and most importantly, we need honesty and openness in our relationship with our husband. We also need our husbands to:
Show us love in tangibles ways; like taking us out and giving us treats, arranging holidays just for the two of us.
Share with us their daily experiences, stories, ideas, and encounters outside the home,
Give us happy surprise sometimes, like get us breakfast in bed, flowers, candy, new dress, undies, or a wonderful gift we can cherish.
Make great sacrifices for us – help out with some of the household chores, opt to spend time with us instead of having a guy’s night out.
Touch, hold, caress, kiss and hug very often and not wait for invitation to do so.
Take delight in our body and share sexual and intimate moments with us.
As wives, we are also expected to:
Be as attractive as possible for them
Be a loving and non judgmental friend
Admire their efforts and abilities
Ensure they are sexually fulfilled (this is highly important)
Show them we love and care for them.
Pet them more than we do our children. (Remember they are our first babies)
Offer them intelligent and sound advice when necessary.
Always be ready to escort them on recreational activities.
Support their dreams and assist to actualize them.
Offer both domestic and moral support.
Be proud of their achievements no matter how small.
In summary, both parties should strive to give out what the other needs; there should always be oneness.

Joint Bank Account.

Is it really good for a couple to have/keep a joint bank account?

Can you as a woman or man agree to such arrangement?

On what grounds can a couple opened a joint bank account and to what purpose?

I could not answer any of the above questions because I have never and will never keep a joint account. I don’t think it is necessary and it is not a way to demonstrate how much I love my husband/trust him, NO. I love my husband, I also trust him but the issue of joint bank account has never arisen. Of course I have access to his ATM cards and vice versa, we do sign blank checks for each other to use and so on, I don’t think we require any more to show that we love and trust each other.

A friend of mine at the husband’s bidding opened a joint account with the husband. Both of them had to deposit half of their salaries into the account for the upkeep of the home and children. They both have good jobs and are highly paid, after a while, huge sums of money-started disappearing from the account without explanation and the wife had to cater to household needs with the other half of her salary. She later found out that the man is fully into adultery and all other terrible vices you could think of. Of course my friend had to withdraw from the arrangement and that made the man furious, so much so that now, it is only God that could calm the situation.

Of course I don’t know the kind of advice I’d give my friend, but it is bad to know that your husband is using your hard earned cash to buy all sorts of expensive gifts and even car for another woman outside, while the woman had to manage on her own to pay the bills including children’s school fees which was supposed to be their joint responsibility.

Is it really worth it?

Knowing your children

The authority of parents, especially of the father, over children is very great, as was also the reverence enjoined by the law to be paid to parents. Exercising that authority over our children to curb their excesses may be necessary especially when you know the kind of children you have. Children are a great gift from God, but somewhere along the line we fail in our duties as parent and this may have resulted in our having good children or otherwise. The word of God says train up your child in the way he will go and when he grows he will not depart from it. Easier said than done, but can be achieved only by the mercy and grace of God. Some children don’t want to be good regardless of how hard you tried as a parent.

They;

Don’t hearken to their parent;

Despise their parents;

Curse their parents for bringing them to the world;

Bring reproach on their parents;

Do not know God;

Are proud;

Lack understanding of good

Are calamities to their parents and the whole family?

Despised their elders;

Are griefs to their parent and continuously make them unhappy;

Mock their parents.

Good children do the opposite of all these, they are a joy to have and to behold.

Who are your children?

Do you know who they are?

Can you vouch for their character?

Do you understand your children?

Please answer these questions and rate how well you know your children.

Stress In The Home.

Stress is a physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension on a person. It is often identified as a negative reaction; but this is not necessarily the case, because sometimes stress can be of positive benefit to us, making it possible for us to be more focused on what we do and also enhancing our performance at home and at our respective places of work. A lot of people often say they are stressed when they become distressed, emotional or suffer from stress related symptoms. It is often a clue that a person is unable to cope with the demands placed on them.

From experience symptoms are evident to the individual well before the stage of distress but rather than be forthcoming they often deny those feelings in the hope that it will go away. Sometimes it does, especially after taking time off the particular activity or situation that causes the stress. For example, a housewife that is always on her toes taking care of the children and the home, started feeling physically stressed, and the husband decided to help her take care of some of the chores like bath the children in the morning, feed them, get their things together for school and drop them off at school later to pick them up in the afternoon has taken some load off the woman. The woman will feel better and able to cope with the other things she has to handle unlike when she has to do it all alone.

If the feeling of distress continue, worsen or return, it will then be necessary to seek medical help in order to avoid a complete breakdown.

There are different causes of stress in a family; some of them are listed here;

Problems with family income, resulting in inability to feed the children; pay their school fees; settle accumulated bills etc

Inability to have children;

Problems with relatives of either the husband or the wife;

Extra marital affairs

Health issues.

Watch out for COPING WITH STRESSES IN THE HOME.

Good people

The more I get to know people, the more I love my dog. (Frederick the Great), this sentiment is echoed by many of us daily as we encounter some kind of people with lifestyle and character far different from ours. Some People are tagged good while others are seen as bad and not worthy of being called friends.

Good people have good intentions, when they say they will do something, they follow through and take whatever actions are necessary to get it done. They don't feel that the world owes them anything; neither do they seek for attention, special recognition or praise, they are simply themselves.

So, Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can - John Wesley

Some of life's greatest blessings come through the good people with whom we are privileged to be living.

-- Ralph Marston

Husband and wife, the crucial link in marriage.

A husband and his wife are the bedrock of a family. When their union is broken the family fall apart, and that is why it is important for the husband and wife to hold each other well and no wonder the bible has so much to say about how husbands and wives should treat each other.

HUSBANDS

It advised the husbands to love and treat their wives as their own bodies because he who loves his wife loves himself for there is no man that hate his own flesh but feed and cherish it. A husband who loves his wife, as his own body is not brutal or hateful to her. He does not abuse her verbally or strike her physically nor abuse her emotionally. He is always ready to accord her due respect, same esteem and consideration he shows himself. When he does this, the wife feels loved and secures in her marriage and he in turn shows his children how a woman should be treated.

WIVES

Wives are also advised to have deep respect for their husbands because a woman who has deep respect for her husband does not strip him of his dignity by constantly criticizing him or belittling him. And because she has so much respect for him, he feels trusted, accepted and appreciated.

A father and mother should try to have a loving, healthy and strong relationship between them in order to breed security in their children. A good communication practice and an effective method of reconciling differences should be adopted.

Also adopt the policy of: NOBODY GOES TO BED ANGRY AT ANOTHER.

There is power in your smile.

Do you know that even though it lasts for just a few seconds, the memory of a smile could stay with you for the rest of your life? There is power in your smile, its value is immeasurable, it is immense because when a smile is directed at you, it makes you feel warm all over, you feel more relaxed and you feel you could handle any situation that arises. I remember the lyrics of a nursery song my son used to sing, it goes like

So let the sun shine in,Smilers never lose
And Frowners never win…etc. (hope I got that right?)

If you have a baby, and the baby smiles for the very first time, the parents are delighted and watch out for repeat performance. And as they grow older the smile comes more often and you still generate the same feeling inside you, it cheers you up and make you want to protect the child, it gives you a special feeling that I cannot really explain. Even as adults, when you offer someone a smile, it invokes a nice feeling towards you because your smile has a positive effect on the other person whether you knew it or not.

A sincere smile communicates our feelings to others without the need for words; it could be a smile of greeting or of encouragement. Someone in a bad mood cannot offer a smile, and when you smile you tell people about the state of your mind, I am happy, joyous, elated and so on.

Make an effort to share a smile today and you will feel better than when you were frowning or scowling. A smile also make you look younger than your age, it’s fun to smile, a GENUINE SMILE of course.

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. - Charles Gordy in Thomaston

What do I do?

I learnt a lesson over the weekend that I will never ever forget in a hurry. My husband and I are currently running a part time PG programme in civil engineering at one of the universities here. There have been series of issues with our course mates the one of which is the attitude of the non-working members of the class. The programme is supposed to run everyday in the evenings from 4-5pm. But because of laziness or I don’t know what to call on the part of some lecturers, they would insist we attend lectures with the regular students who has their classes in the mornings. Those of us living far off like a 6hours drive to and from the school always insist that nobody should, but the bad eggs that believed their lives depend on the completion of the programme will not listen to us.

Last week Friday, we got to school in the evening as usual to receive lectures only to find that a continuous assessment test had been fixed for that day even though we have a rep who was supposed to get us informed. We wrote the test without adequate preparation only to find out that an exam had been fixed that same day for the following Monday morning at 7am. First, even though we had agreed to attending lectures with the regular student, no one in their right senses and with good feeling towards others should have agreed to writing an exam for a part-time programme on a Monday morning when people are supposed to be at their various places of work. Secondly, no one fixes an exam within 72hours and thirdly, our program timetable came out and the same exam was fixed for a Saturday.

I really felt very bitter about this, because there was no way I could have gone for that exam without telling a serious lie “like I suddenly took ill over the weekend and could not make it to work that day” and same goes for my husband. We both had important things to do at our respective offices this morning. As I am writing, I believe the examination is going on and I really do need to take steps to ensure that the lecturer conduct our own exams later or the one they are writing now get cancelled so that we all can write it as at the date on our examination timetable.

Even though this situation could land us both an extra year if some serious steps are not taken, I have learned that with God at my side, I could attend alone against anyone or anything

Please advice what steps to take, to set this right and to avoid a repeat performance.

To stop the dream, I need closure.

At Xtmas, there was a lot of excitement in the air. Being excited comes naturally to everyone who started January and was about to witness the beginning of a new year 2009, I was excited too and I can feel same from every one I know, family members included. What I don’t understand was why people had to let the excitement get out of hand. It was quite confusing! Some cannot wait to welcome the New Year, in their excitement; they did things that put them at risk through which they could lose their lives and put everyone related to them in sorrow.

On a Saturday morning few days before Xtmas, I was on my way to Port Harcourt, shortly before Bomadi, I witnessed an accident that made me realise now more than ever that life is nothing, and a life without God is totally and absolutely useless. Some of the victims were travelling home for Xtmas; you can imagine the state their families were at Xtmas and New Year. I suspected it was a head on collision, nothing short of that could have resulted in that much fatality. Human parts were like pieces of rags on the road, their blood flowing everywhere with their properties strewn all over the road. It was a gruesome accident; I have never witnessed such before and never prayed to witness such ever again (Amen).

That incident has been on my mind all along and I realised the only way to get closure is writing about it, to send out a word of caution to everyone reading this post to be careful and not let the excitement of the season gets into their heads. Imagine travelling home for Xtmas to meet family member’s whom you have not seen for some time, you called ahead that you were coming, the expectation was high, the best thing would be for you to reunite in peace and joy, not maimed or worst for the corpse to be sent home to be buried.

Lets us be very careful. Life has no duplicate; it is better to be late than late. Anywhere you are going, caution is required when driving and if driven, please stay alert and keep track of the driver’s speed.

Divine Blessing.

Divine blessing is to invoke divine favour upon someone. It is only through God that one can get an abundance of blessings for which there can be no word to express enough gratitude. Men can bless us also but not the way God blesses. But whether divine blessings or human blessing, we need to adopt certain principles in order to unlock the windows of blessings.

First, there is need to be hardworking. Laziness cannot unlock the windows of divine or human blessings for anyone. Anyone who desire blessing must be ready to work hard to achieve it, not by breaking your backbones nor by burning yourself out or killing yourself in the name of hardwork, but by diligence and faithfulness to what you do. For example, I used to drive by a sport shop every morning on my way to work, one day I gave a friend a lift and as we passed by the shop, the man mentioned in passing that the owner of that sport shop has a commendable trait. He said he noticed that every morning he passed by, the man is already there setting out his wares, always at the same time. I have also noticed that and we both agreed that diligence and faithfulness to ones business or career is good and will eventually result in blessings from God and favour from people. If all you do with your life is laze around, day dreaming and hoping for the day some one will work up to you and say “ you just won a lottery” you might as well get ready for a life of poverty, failure and wretchedness.

Secondly, be grateful for all things, no matter how small or big. Imagine if you give your child a gift and he/she shows no gratitude or appreciation of what you gave, how do you feel? Of course, there are some people; no matter how hard you try you can never please them. They want you to sacrifice your life for them before they can tell you “ thank you” Ingratitude for the little favours we receive or for acts of kindness, mercy or help offered can and will surely emit a bad stench, which ultimately leads to disfavour. Please know it that disfavour closes the windows of blessings.

Thirdly, you must have a Vision: Proverbs 29:18 – where there is no vision, the people perish! Of course, having set goals help to make ones life a success and it also enable us to get positioned for blessings. Such goals should include “I want to be rich, I want have academic excellence, I want to be healthy, I want to have a happy home, a happy marriage, I want to raise Godly and responsible children, I want to live a fulfilled life. After listing all these goals, you really need to plan how you hope to make them a reality. Without vision, it is easy to perish.

Lastly, have a positive outlook on life. Don’t be negative, have a victorious attitude even when it seems as if you’re already defeated. See others in a positive light. Don’t be self centred, believing that it’s just you and you alone. Your needs don’t really have to be satisfied first, give others a chance while you wait patiently for your turn. Don’t put yourself down, declare positively; “I will make it”, “I will excel”, “It is well with me”, “I will not die but live”, ”I am beautiful”, “My children are wonderful” rather than “OH! What crazy children”.

For me, I want to be bless every second, minute, hour and everyday of my life. You should not be an exception. Desire the favour of God through divine blessings.

Shalom!