Stress In The Home.

Stress is a physical, mental, or emotional strain or tension on a person. It is often identified as a negative reaction; but this is not necessarily the case, because sometimes stress can be of positive benefit to us, making it possible for us to be more focused on what we do and also enhancing our performance at home and at our respective places of work. A lot of people often say they are stressed when they become distressed, emotional or suffer from stress related symptoms. It is often a clue that a person is unable to cope with the demands placed on them.

From experience symptoms are evident to the individual well before the stage of distress but rather than be forthcoming they often deny those feelings in the hope that it will go away. Sometimes it does, especially after taking time off the particular activity or situation that causes the stress. For example, a housewife that is always on her toes taking care of the children and the home, started feeling physically stressed, and the husband decided to help her take care of some of the chores like bath the children in the morning, feed them, get their things together for school and drop them off at school later to pick them up in the afternoon has taken some load off the woman. The woman will feel better and able to cope with the other things she has to handle unlike when she has to do it all alone.

If the feeling of distress continue, worsen or return, it will then be necessary to seek medical help in order to avoid a complete breakdown.

There are different causes of stress in a family; some of them are listed here;

Problems with family income, resulting in inability to feed the children; pay their school fees; settle accumulated bills etc

Inability to have children;

Problems with relatives of either the husband or the wife;

Extra marital affairs

Health issues.

Watch out for COPING WITH STRESSES IN THE HOME.

Good people

The more I get to know people, the more I love my dog. (Frederick the Great), this sentiment is echoed by many of us daily as we encounter some kind of people with lifestyle and character far different from ours. Some People are tagged good while others are seen as bad and not worthy of being called friends.

Good people have good intentions, when they say they will do something, they follow through and take whatever actions are necessary to get it done. They don't feel that the world owes them anything; neither do they seek for attention, special recognition or praise, they are simply themselves.

So, Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the ways you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can - John Wesley

Some of life's greatest blessings come through the good people with whom we are privileged to be living.

-- Ralph Marston

Husband and wife, the crucial link in marriage.

A husband and his wife are the bedrock of a family. When their union is broken the family fall apart, and that is why it is important for the husband and wife to hold each other well and no wonder the bible has so much to say about how husbands and wives should treat each other.

HUSBANDS

It advised the husbands to love and treat their wives as their own bodies because he who loves his wife loves himself for there is no man that hate his own flesh but feed and cherish it. A husband who loves his wife, as his own body is not brutal or hateful to her. He does not abuse her verbally or strike her physically nor abuse her emotionally. He is always ready to accord her due respect, same esteem and consideration he shows himself. When he does this, the wife feels loved and secures in her marriage and he in turn shows his children how a woman should be treated.

WIVES

Wives are also advised to have deep respect for their husbands because a woman who has deep respect for her husband does not strip him of his dignity by constantly criticizing him or belittling him. And because she has so much respect for him, he feels trusted, accepted and appreciated.

A father and mother should try to have a loving, healthy and strong relationship between them in order to breed security in their children. A good communication practice and an effective method of reconciling differences should be adopted.

Also adopt the policy of: NOBODY GOES TO BED ANGRY AT ANOTHER.

There is power in your smile.

Do you know that even though it lasts for just a few seconds, the memory of a smile could stay with you for the rest of your life? There is power in your smile, its value is immeasurable, it is immense because when a smile is directed at you, it makes you feel warm all over, you feel more relaxed and you feel you could handle any situation that arises. I remember the lyrics of a nursery song my son used to sing, it goes like

So let the sun shine in,Smilers never lose
And Frowners never win…etc. (hope I got that right?)

If you have a baby, and the baby smiles for the very first time, the parents are delighted and watch out for repeat performance. And as they grow older the smile comes more often and you still generate the same feeling inside you, it cheers you up and make you want to protect the child, it gives you a special feeling that I cannot really explain. Even as adults, when you offer someone a smile, it invokes a nice feeling towards you because your smile has a positive effect on the other person whether you knew it or not.

A sincere smile communicates our feelings to others without the need for words; it could be a smile of greeting or of encouragement. Someone in a bad mood cannot offer a smile, and when you smile you tell people about the state of your mind, I am happy, joyous, elated and so on.

Make an effort to share a smile today and you will feel better than when you were frowning or scowling. A smile also make you look younger than your age, it’s fun to smile, a GENUINE SMILE of course.

A smile is an inexpensive way to improve your looks. - Charles Gordy in Thomaston

What do I do?

I learnt a lesson over the weekend that I will never ever forget in a hurry. My husband and I are currently running a part time PG programme in civil engineering at one of the universities here. There have been series of issues with our course mates the one of which is the attitude of the non-working members of the class. The programme is supposed to run everyday in the evenings from 4-5pm. But because of laziness or I don’t know what to call on the part of some lecturers, they would insist we attend lectures with the regular students who has their classes in the mornings. Those of us living far off like a 6hours drive to and from the school always insist that nobody should, but the bad eggs that believed their lives depend on the completion of the programme will not listen to us.

Last week Friday, we got to school in the evening as usual to receive lectures only to find that a continuous assessment test had been fixed for that day even though we have a rep who was supposed to get us informed. We wrote the test without adequate preparation only to find out that an exam had been fixed that same day for the following Monday morning at 7am. First, even though we had agreed to attending lectures with the regular student, no one in their right senses and with good feeling towards others should have agreed to writing an exam for a part-time programme on a Monday morning when people are supposed to be at their various places of work. Secondly, no one fixes an exam within 72hours and thirdly, our program timetable came out and the same exam was fixed for a Saturday.

I really felt very bitter about this, because there was no way I could have gone for that exam without telling a serious lie “like I suddenly took ill over the weekend and could not make it to work that day” and same goes for my husband. We both had important things to do at our respective offices this morning. As I am writing, I believe the examination is going on and I really do need to take steps to ensure that the lecturer conduct our own exams later or the one they are writing now get cancelled so that we all can write it as at the date on our examination timetable.

Even though this situation could land us both an extra year if some serious steps are not taken, I have learned that with God at my side, I could attend alone against anyone or anything

Please advice what steps to take, to set this right and to avoid a repeat performance.

To stop the dream, I need closure.

At Xtmas, there was a lot of excitement in the air. Being excited comes naturally to everyone who started January and was about to witness the beginning of a new year 2009, I was excited too and I can feel same from every one I know, family members included. What I don’t understand was why people had to let the excitement get out of hand. It was quite confusing! Some cannot wait to welcome the New Year, in their excitement; they did things that put them at risk through which they could lose their lives and put everyone related to them in sorrow.

On a Saturday morning few days before Xtmas, I was on my way to Port Harcourt, shortly before Bomadi, I witnessed an accident that made me realise now more than ever that life is nothing, and a life without God is totally and absolutely useless. Some of the victims were travelling home for Xtmas; you can imagine the state their families were at Xtmas and New Year. I suspected it was a head on collision, nothing short of that could have resulted in that much fatality. Human parts were like pieces of rags on the road, their blood flowing everywhere with their properties strewn all over the road. It was a gruesome accident; I have never witnessed such before and never prayed to witness such ever again (Amen).

That incident has been on my mind all along and I realised the only way to get closure is writing about it, to send out a word of caution to everyone reading this post to be careful and not let the excitement of the season gets into their heads. Imagine travelling home for Xtmas to meet family member’s whom you have not seen for some time, you called ahead that you were coming, the expectation was high, the best thing would be for you to reunite in peace and joy, not maimed or worst for the corpse to be sent home to be buried.

Lets us be very careful. Life has no duplicate; it is better to be late than late. Anywhere you are going, caution is required when driving and if driven, please stay alert and keep track of the driver’s speed.

Divine Blessing.

Divine blessing is to invoke divine favour upon someone. It is only through God that one can get an abundance of blessings for which there can be no word to express enough gratitude. Men can bless us also but not the way God blesses. But whether divine blessings or human blessing, we need to adopt certain principles in order to unlock the windows of blessings.

First, there is need to be hardworking. Laziness cannot unlock the windows of divine or human blessings for anyone. Anyone who desire blessing must be ready to work hard to achieve it, not by breaking your backbones nor by burning yourself out or killing yourself in the name of hardwork, but by diligence and faithfulness to what you do. For example, I used to drive by a sport shop every morning on my way to work, one day I gave a friend a lift and as we passed by the shop, the man mentioned in passing that the owner of that sport shop has a commendable trait. He said he noticed that every morning he passed by, the man is already there setting out his wares, always at the same time. I have also noticed that and we both agreed that diligence and faithfulness to ones business or career is good and will eventually result in blessings from God and favour from people. If all you do with your life is laze around, day dreaming and hoping for the day some one will work up to you and say “ you just won a lottery” you might as well get ready for a life of poverty, failure and wretchedness.

Secondly, be grateful for all things, no matter how small or big. Imagine if you give your child a gift and he/she shows no gratitude or appreciation of what you gave, how do you feel? Of course, there are some people; no matter how hard you try you can never please them. They want you to sacrifice your life for them before they can tell you “ thank you” Ingratitude for the little favours we receive or for acts of kindness, mercy or help offered can and will surely emit a bad stench, which ultimately leads to disfavour. Please know it that disfavour closes the windows of blessings.

Thirdly, you must have a Vision: Proverbs 29:18 – where there is no vision, the people perish! Of course, having set goals help to make ones life a success and it also enable us to get positioned for blessings. Such goals should include “I want to be rich, I want have academic excellence, I want to be healthy, I want to have a happy home, a happy marriage, I want to raise Godly and responsible children, I want to live a fulfilled life. After listing all these goals, you really need to plan how you hope to make them a reality. Without vision, it is easy to perish.

Lastly, have a positive outlook on life. Don’t be negative, have a victorious attitude even when it seems as if you’re already defeated. See others in a positive light. Don’t be self centred, believing that it’s just you and you alone. Your needs don’t really have to be satisfied first, give others a chance while you wait patiently for your turn. Don’t put yourself down, declare positively; “I will make it”, “I will excel”, “It is well with me”, “I will not die but live”, ”I am beautiful”, “My children are wonderful” rather than “OH! What crazy children”.

For me, I want to be bless every second, minute, hour and everyday of my life. You should not be an exception. Desire the favour of God through divine blessings.

Shalom!