03 March 2008

Can married couple be happy without lovemaking?

I was thinking over an incident my husband told me about, few weeks back and I asked myself the above question, the only answer I could think of was NO! Few weeks back, my husband came home from a site visit and told me that a tragic incident had happened close by the site where they were working that day. A man had hanged himself because he was impotent! The man was said to have been married for sometime now, a senior lecturer in a university, had published series of book and made money, in short, he had it all, but had to take his own life because of he could not satisfy the urges of his body.
I answered no because when we look at marriage and lovemaking, we will clearly see that lovemaking is an act that God ordained from the creation of time, his intention was that sex be used rightly inside and and not outside of marriage, sex is so important to his plan for our marriages, it is his gift to married couples for procreation and for pleasure, to be shared lovingly with appreciation and gratitude. One must not deny another except with consent (1 Cor 7:5) and if done right, I think it is the most beautiful aspect of marriage. Couples should not be ashamed of discussing problems and preferences concerning their sexual life with each other, as a matter of fact, where there is love, there should be no shame, rather openness which bring the couples closer together and with that there will be no need to hide any disability or problems that could cause one to go to extreme length to cover up.
A lot of Christian marriages are often in trouble because of a simple thing as sex. Christians are suppose to enjoy their marriages more that any other and also have sexual satisfaction because of God’s divine plan for marriage and sexuality (1 Cor. 7) but I have found out that some couples don’t even know intimate details about themselves. We had a family weekend once and there was a dinner for married couples, tagged couples night, the invited minister was our provincial pastor and I was amazed at the things he said, for a pastor I was quite impressed with his views on sexual relations in marriage. And from all this I drew my conclusion that lovemaking is an essential part of marriage. Even though some claim sex is not that important to them, I still think the urge is always there, apart from those who like Paul have decided to abide (1 Cor 7:7-8) but others believe that it’s only for procreating and apart from that deny their body’s craving and try hard to repress it but continue to lust in their heart.

If you can answer it better please feel free to leave your views in the comment box. Thank you!

9 Reaction(s).:

BroTee said...

While Sex plays a vital role in a successful marriage, I do not agree that lack of it (in special cases) will lead to the failure of the marriage.
As believers, we marry our spouses for BETTER or for WORSE. A man who gets paralyzed from waste down will no longer be able to have normal sexual intercourse with the wife, but that does not mean that they no longer love each other. In such situation, both can find other ways of expressing their affection.
Beside that, there are other medical complications that can make it impossible for a couple not to have sex. I even learnt that sometimes, medical practioners, recommeds abstinence to patients diagnosed for possible heart attack.
Invariably, it is an act of total ignorance for a man to end his life just because he finds out that he is impotent.
Any couple that have been married for at least 12months will agree that marriage is not just all about sex.
That is not to say that couples should deprive each other the God given pleasure. Spouses who deprive their partners are simply helping the devil in his mission to break up their marriage.
In summary, I totaly agree with your view that christian couples should get themselves properly educated on the subject of sex within the confine of marriage. The church should not keep silent on this subject either. If the Almighty deemed it necessary to devote a whole book of the bible "Songs of Solomon" to marriage, and Apostle Paul talked so much about marriage (even though he wasn't married) then we should give more time to study and discussion on how we can make our marriage what God designed it to be.

Nijawife said...

Bola,i agree with you totally.Sex is important in marriage though not all in all but essential.

HotMama Mathe said...

A fulfilling sexual relationship is definitely a big boost to a couple's chances of staying together for life. For me, it is extremely necessary to use sex as an expression of one's love and devotion - but it is not the only way to do so.

There are special cases when sex is almost impossible. Since I haven't experienced it yet, I have no confidence to give my cent's worth. However, I would still want to feel loved and to express love if I were in such a situation.

Definitely, there is life outside sex but with it, life and love are definitely more exciting.

tkwi said...

Bola, thank you for addressing this subject. Its certainly interesting.

tkwi said...

Thank you for addressing this. I've read the verse about not depriving each other too, except for in agreement to fast and pray.

I still wish someone would write a book about when a Christian marries a non-Christian, cuz now and then such guidance would be useful.

Its hard to explain to a nonbelieving
partner that he should obey scripture.


Dwayne said...

Sex is very important in marriage, bu t you have to learn that there are more important things. Sex is something that is given to us by God, but sex does not define Love. There are so many couples that break up because of the lack of sex, or sex with someone else besides their spouse that it is ashame. If people would realize that if the sex is not there, then there is a reason. And they need to look for the reason sex is not there, than worry about when it is coming back. I spent 23 faithful years with one lady, we met when I was 17 and in 2006 we split up. We had a beautiful sexual relationship till the day she left. And to this day, although we are divorced. I can still say that I have been faithful. So although sex is good to have, there is other things that make a marriage. Without God in it , nothing is going to work.

Bola said...

Thanks to you all for leaving a comment, I agree with you that even though sex is important enough in marriage for God to ordained it, that is no reason whatsoever for anyone to take his/her own life or go to other extremes simply because sex is absent in the relationship. It is quite a painful thing but then that was not the only reason we love our partner or got married in the first place. Stay blessed.

channelofhealing said...

Issues like This is why I always say marry your Friend! cos when you do so, obeying God and serving one another becomes so easy.
not only sex but there are other things that could become a big issue when you are not married to the right Spouse. let me stop here for now


EJIRO said...

Bola, this is an interesting topic. My own point of view about the issue of sex in marriage is that without Sex a marriage is as good as dead.

It is like cooking a soup without adding all the necessary ingredients. Most marriages today that has lost its sparks is as a result of lack of sex.

But, this is not to say when there is a good reason for lack of sex in marriage maybe as a result of impotency or illness, then there will be problem in the marriage, No! Rather, any marriage involve in this kind of situation should hold on to God, because God created sex to make marriage beautiful, they should build their faith and God will surely intervene.

Finally, for a marriage to be healthy, sex has a great role to play. I have read about how lack of sex in marriage has destroyed many homes. Funny enough, most Christians even when they are married, still feel they are some limits to sex, they are afraid to explore their bodies sexually, and before you know it, sex becomes boring to both of them, and this could lead to temptation of either of them going outside the home to find pleasure else where. Some women even starve their husband of sex as a form of punishment, this is barbaric, if you do this as a woman, you are telling your husband to go outside the marriage to look for sex. So be wise ladies, try and be sexually active, try new styles, be more romantic, I bet you, you will have your husband where you want him.