31 August 2007

Marital discord

There are a great many reasons why there are disagreements in a lot of marriages today. Imagine a couple that started out well as husband and wife, the day of their wedding it was like they could never have enough of each other, but what happens after few months of marriage? Grumblings here and there, complaints about almost everything. All of a sudden the once loving couple then turned into two strangers putting up with each others presence, right in their own home. I remembered the days at school, when we all try unsuccessfully to put up with roommates, some trials yield good fruits as we later learn to accommodate each other’s likes and dislikes. Some were not so lucky as some of the roommates cannot stand being near each other for any reason. We all had no choice, the school authority made all the arrangements and except you had alternative, you have to bear the living conditions of the hostel you were allocated.
Marriage is not to be endured, but to be enjoyed. There are lots of reasons why there could be discord in a marriage, some are listed here and these are from sampled opinions of friends and relatives:

Lack of true love:
Many people confuse infatuation with
love; feelings that were generated from how a person looks, the way the person talk, dresses, etc were not always good grounds for marriage. There has to be a deeper feeling that goes way beyond physical appearance. Such people always failed to know that the love they feel for each is not enough to warrant marriage, they only realise it after staying together as married couple. These are mostly common in celebrity marriages.

Lots of people felt that without material possessions life would not be worthwhile. They value themselves by what and how much material goods they possess. Such attitude could end a marriage especially if the other partner is not so materialistic in nature. You must be in vogue, on top of fashion, forgetting that there are only two ways to get enough and you can only choose one, either to accumulate more and more or to desire less.

When children are not forthcoming in a marriage, some couple tends to feel that they are not right for each other, which in all the cases is not true. When it comes to children, it is only God that gives them at his appointed time. They are his heritage and nobody can hurry God, he makes all things beautiful in his time. I know a couple that had to divorce after years of marriage because of childlessness. This is not supposed to be so. Procreation is one of the many
reasons for marriage, and not the reason. We should take care so that unnecessary things will not destroy our happiness. Let’s be patient while waiting on God.

Some people are not matured enough to marry. Issues may arise in marriage that does not require outside involvement or interference, but because of immaturity every little problem in the home is discuss with all and sundry, resulting in diverse views and opinions being expressed by advisers. Some are emotional displays, like the story of an older man, who got married to a girl about twenty years his junior, whenever the man get home from work, he has his priority in the order of bath first, listen to news then food. But the wife thought otherwise, she must have believe that if the man eats immediately after his bath, it then means that her cooking is highly valued and her efforts appreciated. She also cannot take correction, like honey please try to reduce the salt next time, she will start wailing and it will only take a lot of pacifying to stop her.

Unfaithfulness in marriage can be either ways, husband cheating on the wife or vice versa. This mostly is not as a result of either party failing in anyway, but because of an underlying desire to cheat. Read more on marriage and infidelity.

List is endless, will have to think up more and continue on this next time.

Have a wonderful marriage.

29 August 2007


Abuse in simple terms is simply maltreatment, any other definition may apply but I prefer to use this term here. Abuse is common everywhere and I think its prevalence is due to the fact that some abusers are not aware that they are abusing, while the abused is not also awake to the fact that he/she is being abused. There are all sorts of abuse, and each type result from situation or circumstances the abused person or the abuser found themselves in at the time of abuse. Abuse could be on a child, from husband to wife or vice versa, employer to employee, relations to one another etc.
What brought the issue of abuse to mind was a post I read over at
Refinedone. I could not imagine such cruelty been meted out to children that have seen so much misery in their life, and who deserve nothing else but lots of love and care.

Child Abuse; this is simply defined as child maltreatment, either physical or emotional. Mostly by a person well known to the child, custodian, which could be the parent, guardian, child minder, babysitter, adopted parents, relatives etc. Children could be subjected to different abuse one of which is;

Sexual abuse – of children is common these days, and from articles read on the subject, abusers are predominantly male. Different terms are used to describe these conditions like paedophile and the likes. Most parents leave their children in the care of trusted relations or friends who violates these trusts by sexually abusing the children left in their care. In most cases, such children don’t want to talk or report the incident to their parents for fear of being punished. It is the parent’s duty to subject their children to some questioning if you suspect that a form of abuse could have taken place in your absence and very gently encourage the child to tell you what transpired between he/she and the abuser and instantly take steps to prevent re-occurrence, in most cases, reporting to the authorities in charge of such situation. (That is if you’re not the abuser.)

Physical violence on children – like the type Refinedone mentioned in her post. Hitting children is a form of abuse, for those who have been claiming ignorance; it is also a punishable offence under law regardless of wherever you live. We are expected to train and discipline our children, a little spanking once in a while or verbal correction is ok. But when a child has serious injuries, as a result of punishment mete out by the parents or other persons, that is no longer discipline but abuse. And if you notice burn marks, bruises, or injuries in the shape of welts, cords or belt on your child, please, question the child as to the origin of such injuries and immediately seek ways to stop whoever is responsible.

It is important to note that some children do abuse other children also, maybe when at school, playground, at the park or when visit is paid to friends who has kids that are older than your own. The important thing is early detection of the abuse before it’s repeatedly carried out and caused the child physical, psychological and emotional problems.

Dad’s trip to New York

My dad recently had a need to replace some of his farm equipments and he decided to make the purchase directly rather than ask friends to purchase them on his behalf, as was his usual custom and also take time out for a small holiday while out there. Mind you he has not travelled out of this country in about four years, which simply means he has to get new travelling documents. After renewing his international passport, he applied to the US embassy for visa. At the interview, he was asked series of questions, which he answered well and one thing lead to another, until he was finally asked if he has made any travelling arrangements, like flights, accommodation booking etc. he said he was quite taken by surprise because he thought those were to be arranged after he has obtained his visa. I really had a laugh at his expense because his lack of adequate preparation for the interview. Though he was not refused the visa, but he was asked to make all necessary arrangements as soon as possible to prevent late bookings that could result in cancellations.I simply advised him to call DialAFlight; as they have been known to arrange flights to New York at a moments notice.
The company offers flights, hotels & travel ideas worldwide. They also have holiday offers and cheap flights for holiday makers.He was more than grateful for the informations,most especially because he can do all that in the comfort of his office or home and ensure that all his requirements are fulfilled and his holiday is also as he want it.

28 August 2007

Good parenting.

Parenting is not an easy task; it’s a fact that can be confirmed from any parent. Because to be a good parent require a lot of skills and prayer to God for assistance. Parenting can be more difficult if it has to be combined with work, as such parent will have to learn to balance the stress of work with the demands of the children. To be a good parent, we must;
Be tolerant, children are often exasperating, but we must remember to tolerate them with love.

Be patient at all times regardless of the level of provocation. Avoid unnecessary display of anger in their presence.
Always see them as children and treat them as such. I have noticed that lots of parent treats their children like adults, which often make them fall such of our expectations.
Learn to listen patiently to what they have to say.Children chatter a lot,but we should pay attention to whatever it is they are saying,especially if the conversation is directed at us,don't ignore them.
We must give them enough supervision-homework, playtimes, dressing, bed times etc.
Be firm, our no should be no and yes should be yes, especially when it comes to discipline.
Be honest, treat people with respect. This is highly important when raising children, don’t tell them to say you’re not at home when you want to avoid someone or avoid talking to the person on the phone.
Be concerned about our image.we are their mirror,they want to copy everything we do.
Be gentle and kind.
Always be ready to put others need ahead of our own.
Have true love for our spouses and our children.

The list is endless, but keep the above mentioned handy and you can also assist to add any other you can think of.

God bless.

21 August 2007

Anger, a nature of mankind.

Anger is aptly described by dictionary.com as a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong. It is a strong feeling of displeasure or hostility usually directed at another person. It is never without a reason, but not often a good one. Some studies have reported that people who are always angry does not live long, especially if there is a history of disease or sickness that could be aggravated by anger.
Anger is a good emotion when used constructively, it is God given and is designed to be used for constructive spiritual purposes. Remember when the bible talks about the kingdom of heaven, and that only a violent man can take it by force, anger breed violence, someone cannot just be violent without having righteous anger within, the person who cannot feel anger at evil is a person who lacks enthusiasm for good. One will need to have a strong hatred for wrongdoing before you can claim the love of righteousness.
That’s putting anger to good use.
Anger that is directed towards hurting our loved ones is wrong and a terrible waste of emotions that could have been put to a better use. In some homes today, we hear stories of husbands violently attacking their wives and vice versa. Such anger is not good; it makes a rational man seems like a mad dog. If you cannot control your anger, it is better to avoid things and people that get you angry.
Remember that anger prevented Moses from getting to the promised land.

17 August 2007

Planning a Holiday.

Taking time off work for holidays has not always been an easy decision for me to make. The first problem that always comes to mind is the planning. Maybe because I believe that in order to have a perfect holiday, the planning must be perfect. I have to decide on where to go, how to get there, the best place to stay, where to get the best foods, and I need to have good advice on the spot that has the best tourist attractions centers in case I need to do some sightseeing, shopping, etc. The list seems endless, but then, those are the hurdles I have to cross whenever I think of a holiday for myself. But if I have to go on holiday with my entire family, whaoo! That may be a bit difficult, think of all the preparations. I know that planning a holiday is no longer a big deal, what with the advent of the internet, I can sit in my house and plan trips without having to spend more than necessary. The only big deal in planning a holiday is making a hotel reservation, and that is no longer such a big deal. There are sites that cater to such needs on the Internet and one of such is hotel reservations.com. This site offers great deals on Hotel Reservations anywhere in the world; they make bookings that are strictly tailored to the customer’s need at a moment’s notice. The good thing is that they have different offer from a hotel, a motel, and holiday resort to a vacation rental at affordable prices. Their prices are quite competitive, and they also offer great discount on worldwide reservations. After series of considerations, I finally decided on where to go and the planning is not as difficult a task as I thought, what with my accommodation fully booked thanks to hotel reservations and the money I saved from the discount given. Thank God for technology, I would have had to start searching telephone directories for agencies and drive around town to check them out before I could make a simple hotel reservation.

What do you have to offer?

Looking at my 22months old son prompt me to ask this question. Many times when I sit alone, not attending to him, busy with my thoughts, I will suddenly see him by my side saying “mimmy take, take” and until I take whatever he’s offering and say thank you, he will not leave me alone. The things he gives are items from his toy basket, and this could go on and on until you either decides to pay attention to him or he emptied the content of the basket. I began to ponder why he feels he need to offer me things to get my attention, then I realise he was not trying to draw my attention to himself but rather to take my attention from whatever it is that is making me so sober and reflective. I realise my husband does the same too, and I think to myself, “this is why family is so important and unique, members always have things to offer one another.
Now, what do you have to offer? Love, Comfort, companionship, bitterness, anger, heartache, disrespect, support, assistance, encouragement etc. This is a question I think we all should try to answer, know what you have to offer your loved ones. Some unknowingly offer pains and heartbreak to their loved ones, sit down and reflect on this, and know for certain what you have been offering your loved ones.
Families are to promote each other’s happiness, when one is sad or unhappy, the other should be there to care and comfort. Our families should be our number one priority; we should learn to invest energy and time in promoting each other’s welfare. We should always have something to offer our loved ones, words of appreciation, and gratitude for just being there, an essential part of our lives, highly cherished. I have seen children turned wayward because they feel unloved, and uncared for by their parent. Give every member of your family the best you have to offer. This could reduce the rate of separation or divorce, it could reduce the rate of increase of single parenting, and it could eradicate children delinquency.

16 August 2007

PayPerPost,what is it about?

When I started blogging, I used to see payperpost badges displayed on some of the blogs that I visited, and I can’t just help wondering what it is all about until I also signed up. Like me back then, I know that new bloggers and some old ones are yet to know what PPP program is. And for those wondering, it is a program where you get paid for blogging or sharing your honest opinion about products/services, websites and companies for the payperpost advitisers. Qualification is quite simple; you just need to have an open-minded, candid and honest opinion of the products/services rendered by the selected advertisers. The good thing there is no one will impose what you don’t like on you. You get to select the opportunity you know you like most after searching through the long lists of opportunities available and there are lots and lots of them to choose from. I love PayPerPost because of its simple and honest approach to money making through blog marketing. There are series of qualification criteria that your blog must meet before approval (but nothing too stringent there). Once your blog is approved, you just select the opportunities best suited to you, pen your opinion, get it approved and bingo, you make cool and straightforward cash. I know the cool cash part will interest you as a blogger; i was interested enough to get hooked also and i might just redesign my blog with the money I will make,you know,give it a proffessional touch. Just take your interest a little bit further, visit PayPerPost to check out the site yourself. PS: I signed up for PPP and just got my blog approved.Can’t wait to start blogging the payperpost way. See you there soon.

15 August 2007

Freedom of speech.

With freedom of speech, people can say what they like about whatever takes their fancy; it’s a free world. But it somehow amaze me the kind of things some talk about. I believe that it is better to keep quiet rather than say the wrong things. An adage once says that words are like eggs, when scattered it cannot be put together. A lot of people because there is freedom of speech, say all sorts of unprintable things about governments, religious leaders etc. I once visited a site, where the writer wrote a lot of unpalatable words about some notable church ministers, what they are doing and how they could have done it better. Some targets government officials like the presidents, senators, governors and so on. I found that some of the criticisms are quite baseless and unnecessary, but then people just want to talk and they forget that words have such powers.
Someone once told me something that I never expected to hear from him and that made me lose respect for him, nothing the person does ever pleases me now, even though I have forgiven, it has not been easy for me to forget. I begin to also think back to all the things I may have said to someone somewhere that though they were nothing to me, but meant a great deal to them, either good or bad, and I can’t help asking for forgiveness for whatever it may have been. Clothes may disguise a fool, but his words will give him away.

09 August 2007

Mistake or Failure.

We all make mistake that often times lead to failure. Mistake is good if we can learn from it, but if you are not ready to learn from your mistake, it is better not to make one. Most of us are often afraid of making mistakes, we are afraid of failing, forgetting that failure can occur despite genuine effort and until we realise that failure is sometimes an important and necessary ingredient to success and increase, every time we encounter setbacks we will withdraw from further attempts at success. It is bad when in order not to make mistake we shy away from what needs to be done. I knew a lady that has had series of disappointment with men and in other not to continue having disappointment, she decided to stay off men forever and remain single until she died. So also are a lot of people whom in other not to speak wrong, choose never to speak.
I want to take us back to the story of the prodigal son who demanded for his portion of his father’s property (Luke 15:11-end) and after wasting his inheritance decided to go back home to his father and seek forgiveness. Remember he was welcomed, clothed with the finest robe, with a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. A party was also organised in his honour, but if he had not realise his mistake and went back home, it is possible he would have died in his wretchedness. He was already eating with pigs; that shows how low he had fallen, but he made up his mind to try again.
The important message here is that we should not be discouraged no matter the mistakes we have made or the failures we have had to live through, remember that he who never make mistake never make anything and failure is just an event in one’s life. A temporal failure may be the price we have to pay for whatever we want in this life.

May God help us all.

06 August 2007

Single girls and married men.

Why is it that forbidden fruit have more appeal than those given us for our own good?
Pls don’t think I am saying this because I am married, I have always felt like this even when I was single. Then I used to imagine myself in the place of the other woman and even back then; it was not a palatable thought at all.
It is still the same old story; people like to taste the forbidden just because it is forbidden. I will really like to pin the blame of this crime on someone, but who do I blame? The single girls out for a good time and ready to have it at any cost OR the married men who will not keep their things where they belong? (In their Matrimonial homes).
I have said it often times that if all the single girls out there could just unite and say no more dates or affairs with married men I believe the men will be forced to count their losses and go back home to their loving wives.
A girl sent in a please advice letter to a talk show programme I listened to last week. She was actually asking advice on how to deal with a situation she was in. Her story according to the letter she sent was that she used to date guys her age but none of them was ready to commit to her and she has been forced to resort to dating older men (all married of course) because she found that they take care of her better and two of the men are dying to marry her. Mind you, the first man is married with a wife and five kids while the other, an Alhaji already have three wives with kids too numerous to mention. After listening to this story I felt so disgusted within me, how is it possible that some girls just exist without focus, without direction. What happened to everything at God’s own time? How will young men not desert her when she is a free for all, every guy that talked to her probably slept with her on the very first date. If they have not the so-called married men will not be interested in her.
I think single girls should please have more decency and stop selling themselves cheap to men either married or single. These days, even as enlightened as they are, no young man want to marry an overused lady, an about-town who has done it all and seen it all.
1 Th. 4:3 (For this is the will of God, even your sanctification, that ye should abstain from Fornication.)
As for the married men, what happened to keeping the marriage bed undefiled or have you forgotten God’s stand concerning marriage? Heb. 13:4
Why has your marriage lost its sacredness?
Why have you allowed a strange woman a taste of what solely belong to your wife?
If you are so interested in an affair, why not plan one with your wife?

May the Lord help us all.

01 August 2007


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