26 November 2008

Laziness

This is aversion or disinclination to work, activity, or exertion; indolent. A lazy person exhibits slothfulness, indolence, and often times, sluggish. Personally, I detest laziness and do not really want any form of association with a lazy person. People generally despised and condemn any person known to be lazy.
Like all other vices, laziness is first contrived in the mind before it manifest outwardly. A lazy person sets up barriers within his mind to justify his not doing what he was supposed to do. Such people think the world owes them a living, and if by mistake they put a little effort in something, they feel they have done their own bit. They are wise in their own eyes thinking that hardwork does not pay; others blame the government for their status or lack of it. The funny part is that, lazy people have higher desire for things (clothes, praise, food, cars etc.) compared to hardworking people. And when those desires cannot be met, they resort to cut corners to get what they want.
Laziness could lead to robbery, theft, prostitution, and fraudster’s aka 419 because an idle mind is the devil’s workshop. Lazy people hardly get jobs and even when they do, it does not last because they are sure to be fired as soon as their character become known.
Because of the idle state of their unoccupied mind, they are prone to gossip, poke into other people’s affair, they loiter, trespass and all sorts of unimaginable things. Parents should teach their children to be hardworking, but of course, the best way to teach is by example. So be a hard worker so your children can emulate you.
Hardwork precedes excellence; hard work is the only sure way to have good success.
Remember, there is dignity in labour.



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11 November 2008

Love is for real men.

"My beloved is dazzling and ruddy, Outstanding among ten thousand- Songs of Sol. 5:10
Love is the life of a marriage. The parties involved must give it full attention and must never on any account be negligent.
Men are everywhere, but real men who are good husband materials are scarce. Love differentiates mere men from real men, real men are custodians of love, and they demonstrate love to their wife and children, they do not neglect them in favour of other things or people. Only real men are worthy to get married or be referred to as husbands or fathers. It takes a real man to shun all vices in other to remain true and faithful to his wife.
A husband is expected to love his wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it. If a man loves his wife, he does not do anything without revealing it to her, whether she will approve of it or not because they have been made one by the arithmetic of marriage, 1+1=1.
One major way a man can demonstrate his love towards his children is by loving their mother unconditionally and unequivocally. When a man really loves his wife, he confides in her everything he does and never makes room for any skeleton to be in his cupboard. One of such skeleton is extra marital affair.
Here are a few ways a real man can physically show love to his wife.
A man should always treat his wife like an endangered species. Always remembering that she is special and irreplaceable, one of a kind.
A man should love his wife through thick and thin, because she needs his support and strength.
His wife’s wishes and needs should take priority over all else.
A man should tell his wife where he can be reached when away, this is very important to a woman.
Make it a point of duty to tell others of your wife’s good points, the rest his private and should be kept in the cooler (i.e. private.)
Take time away from work to spend with your wife alone. You know, get to know each other all over.
Do not compare your wife to any other, an old girlfriend, your mother or sister, because is she not any of them, she is unique.
Treat your wife as if you were still dating.
Let her know everyday, how thankful you are for her because women love being complimented.
Always look at her through the eyes of love.
Surprise her with gifts, things you know she will adore.
Pray with her, and for her.
Most importantly, have an affair with her!




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05 November 2008

It’s been awhile.

I am very sorry to have to be absent without a reason; it was due to a circumstance far beyond my control. But I thank God because things will soon normalise.



Hope everybody has been well? Thanks to Jackie of the painted veil for tagging me with the peace meme, I will do it ASAP.


I also wish to thank Enid of callcentremomie for tagging me with the seven about me, I will also respond to this ASAP.


Thanks to you all for stopping by in my absence and for EC advertisers, a mention is not really enough but that is all I can think of right now to compensate.


You all have a wonderful day.


Shalom!




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15 October 2008

Blog Action Day 2008: Should Poverty be a way of life?

Poverty is the state or condition of having little or no money, goods, or means of support; condition of being poor; indigence. In as much as we all know that poverty is not good and nobody ever prayed to be poor, except in the spirit where it is counted as humility, otherwise it is like living life without a purpose. Or of what purpose is a life when as a parent, you watch your children die of hunger because there is no food to feed them with or sickness for lack of money to pay for hospital bills. Of what purpose is a life that clothed itself in rags whether the weather is cold or hot.


A lot of people are living in poverty either as a result of their own making, or some others because of circumstances beyond their control. Poverty has been known to be the major reason why there are so many crimes in our world today. People resort to criminal activities as a means to an end. Both men and women, boys and girls all over the world have been known to go into prostitution simply because poverty pushed them into it. Parents have even been known to send their underage children into the labour market just to contribute to the family upkeep instead of their being sent to school. Some of these children have been known to fall into the wrongs hands who will lure them into petty stealing, used them as informants/ baits for armed robbery operations, some have been kidnapped and used for rituals, others have been sexually and physically abused in the process.


Should poverty be a way of life? No!


The people that have should help those that do not have. When you give to the needy around you, aside the popular believe that when you give, you will be given in return or blessed by God, you will be helping to better a life, you will be giving hope to someone whose been treated poorly, been made to feel that he/she never measure up, been rejected, defeated, whom people have undervalued, passed up, tagged a loser, been hurt pretty bad and is now hard and angry inside.


Help to better a life today, Isaiah 61:1; the spirit of the sovereign LORD is upon me, because the LORD has chosen me. He has commissioned me to encourage the poor, to help the brokenhearted, to decree the release of captives, and the freeing of prisoners.




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13 October 2008

Overcoming family debts.

Debt is something that is owed or that one is bound to pay to or perform for another. Debt could result from borrowing; it could be from unredeemed pledges and vows, or from buying things on credit. Borrowing is an act of taking something that belongs to another to use with the hope of repaying at a latter time, it results into debt. It is not a sin to borrow, when you borrow in good faith with the hope of paying back what you owe.
One may be forced to borrow to ensure that his/her family does not go hungry especially when things are a bit down for the breadwinner. It is only wrong to borrow to buy clothing items, luxuries like a car, TV sets or borrow to host a party especially when you know you don’t have a hope of paying back. One can borrow for business when you have faith in yourself that you could make a success of that business and you know that you are disciplined enough to use the money for that purpose. Borrowing for business is taking a risk,so one must seriously consider the cons and pros of such a venture before embarking on it.
Borrowing could be as a result of:
  • Lack of contentment
  • Inability to set priorities right;Covetousness
  • Poverty
  • Necessity – school fees, house rents, bills; hospital, utility etc.
  • People also borrow when their expenditure is much more than their income.
Effects of Debt:
  • Public embarrassment or disgrace;
  • The borrower will lack peace of mind because debt hunts;
  • Terminal problems or sickness such as hypertension; migraine; headache; heart attack etc may result from too much thinking;
  • Enslavement; a debtor will be a slave to his creditors;
  • A debtor may not be able to move freely for fear of running into the person he /she is indebted to.
Solution:
  • Learn to control internal urgings, appetite and those things that push one into unnecessary spending;
  • Maintain a proper budgeting habit;
  • Cry out to people who could help sort out issues and also offer valuable ideas for a better way of life;
  • If one way failed, looked for other right or legal ways to make a living. Or start a business of your own;
  • Look inward; you may have an idea that could spring things up, constantly be on the lookout for opportunities around you;
  • Pray.
Shalom!



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10 October 2008

Another Blog Award - Butterfly award for the coolest blog I ever know.

My friend Shinade at the Painted Veil gave this awesome award to mumsdadschildren. This is just so cool. Thanks Liza of Mums check nyo and Shinade for this award and congratulations once again for being the earlier recipients.
The rules are quite simple;
You pick ten people and pass this award to them.
Then contact them and let them know that you have chosen them and their blog for the award.
Also link back to the person who gave you the award.
Here are my picks for this award:


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07 October 2008

Teach your children to love.


No one is actually an expert when it comes to raising children, all we can do is try to learn from the one who knows best how to raise children (God), so when we talk about raising children the right way, we can only believe that with the help of God we can succeed as parents. But the greatest gift a parent can give to their children is to help them develop respect and a loving attitude towards all people regardless of class, social status, race, tribe, language or state of health.
In other to teach children to love, parents also need to show how much they treasure their own relationship with others starting from the relationship between their parents. Parents that openly display love and affection like telling each other “I love you”, kissing each other often (Not the amorous kind in presence of children) and so on are sending a message to their children that they love and care for each other. Make it a point of duty to also say nice and encouraging words about people, don’t say bad/negative things about others, don’t discriminate or gossip idly and carelessly around them, it sent bad vibes to the children and can portray those people as bad. Keep your reservations about others to yourself or until when they are not present to witness it.
Are you ever jealous? Then be very careful so that your children don’t copy it because love is not jealous. You see, jealousy can occur in a family if the parents favour one child over another, it could cause a problem between them that may be irreparable and can even make them want to hurt each other. It could caused big trouble, so teach your children to avoid giving in to jealous but love one another and even others that are not members of your family.
Above all, the best way to teach children to love is by example, this is so important because, you can’t tell them to love while you hate, love all men, do things that shows you care for people, teach them to be patient with others cause love is patient; teach them to be sensitive and gentle cause love is kind; teach them to be humble in all things because, love is not arrogant, it does not brag or show off.
May God help us we raise great and amazing children .
Shalom!
Further Reading



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03 October 2008

Can love impel humans to show outstanding courage?

Yes, love can impel us to show outstanding courage, a case study was how God because of the great love he has for all mankind sent his son Jesus Christ to die for our sins. John 15.13, "Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends” and shortly after Jesus said these words; he gave his own life, not for just one person, but for entire mankind, Matt 20.28. What a great courage.
How many of us can show such great love. Can a wife give herself for her husband? How many parents can lay down their lives for their children’s, some rather use their children for money sacrifice, abuse and some can even kill their partners just to fulfil a whim. In II tim.1: 7, For God have not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. Courage is doing what you’re afraid to do because there can be no courage unless you’re scared. If we cultivate a selfless love in addition to faith and Godly fear, we will also be able to display Christ-like courage and we can only do it if and when we recognize its source, love is from God, so also is courage according to II Tim 1: 7 earlier quoted.
The Song of Solomon 8:7, many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it. If a man would give for love all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised, Real love forgets self. Real love knows no danger. Real love doesn’t count the cost.
Let love impel you to show outstanding courage to someone today.
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02 October 2008

Happy Birthday to my wonderful son.


PICT0376
Originally uploaded by oluyemibola

I want to thank God today for another year added to my son’s life. It is my joy to see him growing bigger, healthier, stronger and older, what else could a parent asks for. He was born 2nd October 2005 at exactly 10:43am through a caesarean section. Darling, here are my prayers for you on this wonderful occasion.

May the Lord’s presence be with you continually;
May the Lord take charge of your life and destiny;
May you enjoy God’s continued blessings upon your life,
May the Lord bless you and keep you to declare his counsel,
May the Lord shed his light upon you,
May the Lord look upon you kindly and give you peace at all time.

Thank you Lord,

In Jesus name (Amen).

I love you son.

26 September 2008

Parents Are To Protect Their Children.

Our children need to be protected from bad influences, dangerous relationships/associations and wicked people who are bent on exploiting their innocence. In this present times parents need to be alert to inherent dangers in our society, they need to be able to anticipate situations that could cause problems and take necessary precautions to avert it. For example, working parents should be aware of dangers of leaving their children to child minders and babysitters because a lot of them abuse children. Secondly, if you allow your children the use of the Internet, you should be aware of what they do with it. The sites they visits, people they chat with, new friends they make and so on. Infact, it may actually be best if you keep the computer in an open place where you can easily monitor its use.


As parents, we need to prepare and train our children for the harsh realities of this abusive world. We should teach them how to relate with friendly strangers or strangers of any kind, we should also teach them what to do in case someone they know or do not know tries to take advantage of them when we are not present. Our children are to be taught the proper and improper usage of their body parts especially the private area. Here is a story that may drive this home;


I heard this story from a friend, who told me it happened in their neighbourhood. There was this widely respected elderly man who lived close by, he was known to love children and always play with all the small children in the area and the children loved him in return because he constantly dished out goodies to them at the end of play. Some parents are even known to send their children out to play with uncle when they are busy and did not want disturbance. One day her daughter came back from play and told her that uncle asked her to play with his snake but she told him that it is not a snake but a Pee Pee, and because she refused to touch it uncle did not give her any sweets. (Meanwhile she has always told her children about their body, telling them what the private parts were called.) She said she was shocked and had to call her husband to come home immediately so that they could investigate. On further interrogation, she found out that uncle has been abusing the children for ages. He will put on a big robe (Agbada) and asked the children to go under it to play with his snake while he fondles them in return and afterwards reward them with sweets. His luck ran out when he asked my friends daughter to play for the first time.


Lesson learned, teach your children what they need to know about their body, start from age 3 if possible and continue as they grow older, let them know what each of their body part is, the areas that no one can touch or play with. I think that was what helped to expose the old pervert. Don’t leave your children’s training to others, not to their teachers in school, not to your relatives, their peers or your neighbours. Make it your personal responsibility to teach your children all they need to know about sex. You never know who is perverted until found out, so don’t leave your children to child molesters; they could even be your close relatives.



Shalom!




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24 September 2008

The father’s love

The place of a father in the life of a child must never be empty because the love a father has for his children is unique as it helps the emotional, spiritual and intellectual growth of children. The role of a father in the life of a child is complex, aside his being the family head, he is seen primarily as a discipline dispenser in the home as most mothers tend to over pamper the children being that they are with them more than with their father.
A father’s ability or inabilities to be a good father to his children is solely dependent on his own his upbringing. If a drunken weakling who has no love for him brought him up, there is a tendency that when he has children of his own he may not love and care for them even though he is not a drunken weakling himself. Likewise, a man brought up by a rigid, no-nonsense father may tend to treat his children the same way.
Children who have their father’s love are prone to be physically, spiritually and emotionally stable as well as being confident in their ability to love others and mix easily with friends and family. A good father should always be ready with words of love, encouragement, praise and motivation for his children. He should show a personal interest in each of them and also let them know they have his approval. He should not be too critical and overly protective. Most of all, he should not neglect to discipline, children need discipline to grow up productive and responsible adults. Eph 6:4.
Shalom!
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19 September 2008

DO YOU REALLY APPRECIATE GOD?

Do you remember all his mercies?
O give thanks unto the LORD; for he is good: for his mercy endureth forever.
Psalms 118:29
The earth, O LORD, is full of thy mercy: teach me thy statutes. Psalms 119:64
Let them now that fear the LORD say, that his mercy endureth for ever Psalms 118:4
Let the house of Aaron now say, that his mercy endureth for ever Psalms 118:3
For thy mercy is great above the heavens: and thy truth reacheth unto the clouds.
Psalms 108:4
Do you remember all his Love?
Even the most unlovable person in the world is actually loved so much by God, remember that He let His Son die a terrible death in order to save the whole world. God does love you! He sees your pain and weeps with you. "He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to announce that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed. He has sent me to tell those who mourn that the time of the Lord's favor has come, and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies. To all who mourn in Israel, He will give beauty for ashes, joy instead of mourning, and praise instead of despair. For the Lord has planted them like strong and graceful oaks for His own glory." (Isaiah 61:1-3).
Do you remember his plan for you?
In His compassion, God makes big plans for us. In His wisdom, He does not tell us what they are, Jeremiah 29:11 says it best. "I know the plans I have for you: plans for your welfare and not for calamity, to give you a future and a hope."
What about his Faithfulness?
Psalms 89:1b with my mouth will I make known thy faithfulness to all generations?
Psalms 89:2b thy faithfulness shalt thou establish in the very heavens.
Learn to appreciate God at all times, in good times and bad times, Listen, What would the loss of your job or business do to you? What if your house were to go up in smoke tonight? What if a pain sent you to the doctor and led to the discovery that you have only a few weeks to live? These things really do happen to people, you know, but he has been faithful to you, shown you his unconditional love,bestow his mercies on you and he gave you the gift of life.
Be grateful for who you are, what you are and what you have always!
Shalom!
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15 September 2008

Are you a good parent?

Being a good parent is not by buying children expensive gifts, clothe items or by enrolling them in the best schools, but by spending time with them, giving them enough attention, teaching them all they will need to grow up as responsible adults who fear God. Being a good father or mother is easy; all a parent needs to do is spend more time with their kids even if they had to earn less money to create the time. Hug them as often as possible, have fun with them, always listen to their problems, talk with them about their day, tell them stories especially bible stories and teach them to pray often. When children are denied of their parents love and attention they will be miserable and empty in their hearts, that is why as soon as some enter into their teens they turn to friends for consolation, some turn to sex and others to drinks or some other vices to satisfy the emptiness within them. Create time to teach them all they need to know at the appropriate age. (Deut. 6:6-7).
Don’t neglect to discipline your children; Prov 23:13-14 - Do not withhold discipline from a child; even if you strike him with the rod, he will not die. If you strike him with the rod, you will deliver him from death. Even though the bible approve of child discipline, don’t abuse it, never hit a child on the head, don’t shake a child, the best and safest place to beat a child is on the buttocks, and remember not too hard, a few small whacks to remind the child to obey you is enough.
There is a right time and a wrong time to discipline a child, when a child is deliberately disobey the parent by not doing what he was asked to do, for example; when you asked a child to take a dirty linen to the laundry or pack dirty dishes from the dinning to the kitchen and he chooses not to do it, then you can discipline the child that is deliberate disobedient. But when a child forget to do something he/she was supposed to do or the child made a mistake then you should not discipline such child. You can let the child know that he has done something wrong and correct him accordingly.
Learn to praise your children when they do something well, try to notice all the things they do well and praise them for it. Cultivate a habit of praising them more than you punish them.
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11 September 2008

A True life Story (Part 2)

When my mother died, my husband felt very sad. Our acquaintances in the U.S did not even know whose mother actually died. We had to come to Nigeria for the burial. But on the day of the burial, the most shocking thing happened. My mother-in-law was conspicuously absent. My friends and family could not believe it. Some people even said they sighted her in her shop early that morning, gorgeously dressed and attending to customers. They were therefore surprised that she did not show up at the burial. Later, a friend of mine, who my mother-in-law did not know, went to her shop and met her discussing with her very close friend. After listening to their discussion, she came home to tell me that I should be careful with my mother-in-law. She quoted her as saying that she did not come for my mother’s burial because she could not pretend to be saddened by her death. She was even quoted as saying that now that my mother was dead, my husband follows her to heaven and continues to make her his mother.

That statement meant so much to me, so two days later, I went to a pastor and complained to her. She prayed and revealed that my mother-in-law and some others in her group were responsible for my mother’s death. I would not have believed her, but for the fact that I had not said anything before she told me that. She went on to say that if I were not careful, I would soon die like my mother. She said the woman was very wicked and that she was ready to do anything to make sure that her son obeyed her only. I left the woman’s place, partially convinced that what she had said was true. But I decided to behave as if I never heard it since there was no way I could confirm it. But I was shocked when my elder sister also came and said the same thing. She said the circumstances that surrounded my mother’s death made an aunt of mine to go in search of spiritual help. She said my mother just shouted from her sleep that she had headache, and she died a few minutes later.

My sister said she was there with my aunt when the spiritualist told her that my mother-in-law was responsible for our mother’s death. I pretended as if I had never heard a similar story. I told God that since I was a Christian, He should never allow any evil to befall me in the course of fighting for my right. My sister advised me to divorce my husband since I had only two children for him. She said it was better for me to do so early so that I could find another husband in good time. But I was not ready to marry two husbands. I told her to only pray for me.

Although my husband saw his mother, I went back to the U.S. without seeing her. I made efforts to see her, but I could not. We had barely spent a month in the US when my husband said he was going to Europe. He said he would call me as soon as he got a line. But instead of Europe, he travelled to Lagos. I would not have known about it if a cousin of mine had not called me to say that she saw my husband and had thought that we came to Nigeria together before my younger sister told her that I was not around. When I heard that my husband was in Nigeria and not Europe, I knew something was fishing. So, I travelled secretly to Lagos. This time, I picked a cab from the airport and headed straight home, without even alerting my close friend who had brought me home the first time. When I got home, my husband was not there and everywhere was very quiet.

I did not even see the security man, so I made for my room upstairs. What I saw almost made me to faint. Unknown to me, my husband had come for the christening of a set of twins another woman had for him. This was apart from the one he threw a party for earlier. My mother-in-law was there, sitting with her on the bed and helping her to take care of one of the twins. That baby almost dropped from her hand when she looked up and saw that it was me. I did not know whether to faint or die outright. All that had happened was too much for me to bear. And I could no longer cry to my mother. The next thing my mother-in-law did was to put the baby on the bed and made to leave the room. I almost pulled her back forcibly when she reached the door, but for the grace of God.

I decided that I was not going to fight, but quietly drive my point home. So, I turned to Iya Ibeji (the mother of the twins) and told her that she should please leave my room and go to wherever she came from. But she also proved stubborn. She said she belonged there. I told her to look at the wedding pictures on the wall and look at me again, for her to know I am the legally married wife. She did so, hissed and started to pack her things. Although I was glad she did that, I told myself that if I were in her shoes, I would not have moved an inch.

She had a driver, so she called him and within 30 minutes, they were all out of the premises. Immediately they left, my mother-in-law came and started shouting at me. She said there was no way a woman would come to her son’s house to control him; that his son could marry as many wives as he wanted. I told her that she wanted to ruin his life like she ruined those of others. She grabbed me and said since I had started to abuse her; I should cap it with beating her up. It was her children that came and separated us.

My husband, knowing what had happened, refused to pick his calls or come home. I later learnt that he had gone with the woman to one of our houses in Lagos. When I complained to my sister, she said I should leave them alone so that they would not kill me. But I felt that if I did as my sister advised, it would amount to wasting all the efforts I have invested in my husband. I was not ready to let another woman have the last laugh. But when I started falling ill and my husband did not show his face still, I had to think twice.

One of our tenants called me and told me that I should seek spiritual help to my problem. She said my mother-in-law would make the house so hot for me that I would pack out in a hurry. She said I should allow her to do whatever she liked with her son instead of exposing myself to danger. Most of my friends have also been saying that the source of my husband’s sudden wealth is questionable and I should be careful with him. I have been back in the U.S for the past six months. I am torn between keeping my marriage by staying neck-deep in trouble and leaving my husband and enjoying peace. He has called to beg me, but he says he does not have the guts to face me, which is why he has not joined me in the U.S.
What should I do?

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09 September 2008

A True Life Story Part 1

This is an old post from my other blog, enjoy it!
My husband was the first man in my life and we loved each other dearly even before we got married. I come from a fairly rich family, so my father could afford to send me to the United States of America for further learning after my first degree. My husband finished from the same university I attended a year before me, and he was about rounding off his national youth service when I was leaving for the US. It was a tough decision for me to take because I was not sure I would still have him when I returned to Nigeria.


I finally made up my mind to go, but not until my people had agreed to a wedding date. I was to come back after four months for the wedding. We agreed that my father would arrange my husband’s trip to the US too, so that we would not stay apart, and that he did in a record time.


The wedding was a big one. His people had nothing, so we had to shoulder the responsibility of making it successful. I was responsible for everything his nuclear family used on that day, and they were grateful. After the wedding, we travelled together to the U.S. I waited till I had finished my master’s programme before I got pregnant. All through that time, my husband remained the calm and loving guy I had met and married. Then suddenly, God answered our prayers and everything changed for better. My husband met some of his schoolmates in the U.S and before I knew it, money started rolling in from everywhere.


I was happy, that at last, he was going to bail out his entire family from poverty. I also felt happy that I was instrumental to his breakthrough. He took very good care of my baby and me and also went home regularly to see his people. His job would not allow for him to just sit back in the U.S. He travelled a lot to England and other countries. I had another child for him two years after the first one, and I did not suspect that he had changed from the man that I knew. Three years after his status changed, a friend of mine called me and said I must take the next flight to Nigeria to see what my husband was doing behind my back. I did not take her serious at first. But when she said she would pay my fare to Nigeria, I knew she meant business.


She told me to come on a particular day, and said I must not let my husband or even my people know that I had plans to come to Nigeria. I took my children to a friend’s place so that I would be able to go to Nigeria as advised by my friend. She was at the airport the day I arrived Nigeria to take me straight to our house in Lagos. I asked her what the matter was. She said she had thought she should not tell me what it was until we got there, but on a second thought, she felt that if she did not, I could faint by the time I saw what was happening. She told me that they were having a naming ceremony in our house in Lagos and that my mother-in-law sold Ankara to her friends and hired a band.


To say I was surprised would be an understatement. I was dumbfounded. However, I promised my friend that I would just walk in like a guest and leave them to their conscience. But when I got there, I could not. I went straight into our bedroom and found the mother of the baby there changing her clothes in the presence of some of her friends. My friend was following me to prevent me from doing anything rash, but she was not close enough. I grabbed the woman and dragged her out of the room, cursing on top of my voice as I did so.


My husband came and started begging. He prostrated and said I should not put him to shame, but I told him that the U.S police would soon come after him. I demanded that he sent the woman and her people out of the house immediately. When he was not doing so, I ran to the kitchen and took a knife. Immediately, he sent them and the baby out. When the fight was over, I sat down on the bed and cried. My friend could not leave me alone because she did not know what could happen next. It was very difficult for me to bear such, but my husband was so remorseful that I did not know what to do. I had thought it was the end of our relationship but he begged that he did not know what went over him.


I was to spend only one week in Nigeria, so two days after that incident, I went to my parents’ house to let them know I was around and to tell my mother what happened despite the fact that my husband begged me not to. I felt that if I did not tell her, I would be doing myself more harm. She screamed when I told her what happened and told me to tell my husband to see her. My husband respected my parents very much, so he went to see her immediately. I was there also. My mother talked to him like her son and he started crying. He said he did not really understand how all that happened and that it was as if he was under a spell.


On that note, we both left for the U.S. All attempts to see my mother-in-law proved abortive. My friend said it could be that she could not face me after all that happened that day. When we got back to the US, my husband kept to his promise to be a good husband. He refused to see the woman again and only sent money for the upkeep of her baby. But his mother was not happy. She called him one day and started saying all sorts of things on the phone. She did not know that I was the one that had picked the receiver, so she started saying that he was not meant for one woman only, that he was going to marry the woman that bore him a son whether he liked it or not. She said she knew that my parents and I had charmed him and that before long, he would see her handiwork. She said any mother that did not want her to reap the fruit of her labour in respect of her son would die untimely. She said she knew that my husband had made my mother his mother, and that she would make sure that she corrected that.


That day, I just dropped the phone without letting her know that she had been talking to the wrong person. I wondered how the woman could change so much overnight. The same woman that almost cursed herself as she prayed for me the day my father got my husband a visa. The woman who promised to fight tooth and nail to make sure I reaped the fruit of my labour. I was crying when my husband came in. He asked what happened and I told him. He said she was just being a woman and that I should not mind her. But deep down in me, I knew I was in for real trouble.


Two months after that, we heard the shocking news that my beloved mother had died.



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03 September 2008

Conflict in Marriage.

Marital Conflict is a situation in which husband and wife are involved in serious disagreement or argument. A situation where both of them have contrasting ideas, opinions, feelings, or wishes which may result in violence. As it is common knowledge that no marriage is perfect, it is to be understood that sometimes a husband and wife may find themselves falling apart over certain issues which if not properly managed could turn the home into a battle field.
There are several reasons why conflict could arise between a husband and a wife; some are trivial while some are important. Whichever, it is always good for the parties concern to be honest about their own shortcomings. If both of you know the area in which each is personally lacking, when there is disagreement, one of you will be better able to deal with his/her own feelings whether negative or positive while trying to understand what the other person is about. This will give you a better angle to focus on the reason behind the conflict in order for you to be able to clarify the issue and facilitates quick resolution.
Major causes of Conflicts in Marriage.
Lack of  Submission: wives failure to submit to their husbands as biblically instructed can cause conflict in the home. It is crucial to note that where a woman fails to submit to the husband there is tendency that the relationship will lack peace and harmony. Ephe 5:22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.
Lack of care and attention: couples are expected to give care and undivided attention to each other. Never neglect each other, make time out to be together.
Third Party Intrusion: conflict could arise when inlaws and other extended family members poke their noses into your family affairs; it is always better to keep your problems to yourself. Learn not to invite external parties into your conflict, because escalating the conflict could expose either of you to criticisms.
Lack of love or failure to love; most people find it relatively difficult to express love to one another, not just saying “I Love YOU” but showing it by doing things that express how much the other partner is loved. Some believe that showing love could put them at a disadvantage or that the other person may take being love for granted. Husband need to express love constantly to their wives because women want love and understanding, but only few men understand it. Ephe 5:25, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.
Secrets or hidden agenda; if both husband and wife have secrets not known to each other, it could cause one or either of them to do things that exclude the other thereby creating gaps in the union. When honesty and openness is lacking, there is bound to be conflict.
Extra marital affair: Both husband and wife should be contented with each, this is important to the growth of any marriage. Having relationships outside marriage can only bring deceit, distrust and will create a dent in the level of intimacy between the partners involved.
Sexual satisfaction; lack of sexual satisfaction could also cause conflict. Even though sex is not the most important factor in marriage, it is important for a healthy marriage. It is God’s intent that sexual intercourse bonds two people together for life in marriage; denial is therefore totally against the rules of marriage. God uses sexual intercourse, full sexual intimacy, to bring two married people together 1 Cor 7:3-5, A husband should give to his wife her sexual rights, and likewise a wife to her husband. It is not the wife who has the rights to her own body, but the husband. In the same way, it is not the husband who has the rights to his own body, but the wife. Do not deprive each other, except by mutual agreement for a specified time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer.
Further Reading: Here and here
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01 September 2008

Polygamy Revisited.

Marriage was instituted in Paradise when man was in innocence Genesis 2:18-24; it is most evident from Gen 2:24 (Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh) that monogamy was the original law of marriage and not polygamy. This law was violated when corrupt usages began to be introduced Gen 4:19, (And Lamech took unto him two wives: the name of the one was Adah and the name of the other Zillah). Polygamy was acknowledged in the Mosaic Law and made the basis of legislation, and continued to be practised all down through the period of Jewish histroy to the Captivity, after which there is no instance of it on record. The Law of Moses regulated but did not prohibit polygamy; a man might have many wives. Though King Saul had at least two wives (Ahinoam, Rizpah), Abraham had three wives (Sarah, Hagar, and Keturah), Moses had two wives (Zipporah and the Ethiopian woman), Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines and David had at least eight wives (Michal, Abigail, Ahinoam, Bathsheba, Maacah, Haggith, Abital, and Eglah) plus Saul’s wives, but that was not God’s standard, they allowed circumstances and situations to push them into polygamy knowing well that it was totally against the Law of God.

From the aforementioned, it is to be understood that God created man and woman in the Garden of Eden, not man and women. It is man and his wife that were naked, not man and his wives, girlfriends or concubines. Note that, a man shall cleave unto his wife so they can be one flesh, not that he shall cleave to wives. It is therefore a thing of pity to find that more and more women are going into polygamy for baseless reasons. There is no shortage of men as is the popular believe, some religion believe that by marrying many wives they are helping to reduce the number of women in need of marriage partners and that by so doing such women are prevented from committing sins of adultery and fornication. Marrying them also ensure that they are not prostituting themselves.

All in all, God frown on Polygamy, this is evident in the biblical definition of marriage as a physical and spiritual life-long covenant between a man and a woman before God and society. Contrary to the circular definition as polygamous, cohabitation, civil union, open marriage, serial monogamy and same sex marriage. All the above-mentioned worldly marriage is associated with consequences. A man married to more than one wife is surely digging his own grave because he will surely lack peace in his life and home. The women involved in such relationship will constantly undergo emotional turmoil.

Beware of polygamy, those in it has no good testimony, they always have a sad tale to tell.
Further Reading, Here.

Shalom!

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