31 March 2008

A Dysfunctional child.

In every home there are needs that are very essential to the daily existence of our children. If some of these needs are not met as at when required then a lot of things could go wrong. There is always the physical, emotional and the spiritual need and when any of these is lacking there tends to be Loss of trust in the parents, bridge in communication and listening, loss of respect for parents, lots of skeletons in the cupboard (keeping of secrets), tendency to ignore inappropriate behaviour, loss of feelings etc.

In a family, where the physical needs of the children like food, clothing, shelter etc are not met either as a result of the parents inability to provide because of unemployment, sickness or because either of the parent has the sole responsibility of raising the children alone (single parenthood), the children suffer unduly and has to look for a means to an end all by themselves. Such children are often seen on the streets begging for alms, involved in underage prostitution, picking pockets, snatching of handbags etc.

Emotional need is much more complex and usually very difficult and more subtle to detect. It is the need for acceptance, affirmation and love from parents or guardian. Most children who feel they do not have the love of their parents, grow up to unstable, unloving, they lack emotions, self esteem, confidence and they tend to be impaired/dysfunctional persons when the grow up. The results of this; the children often have behaviour disorders, they are poor in their academics, they don’t mix or make friends easily, they fight at every given opportunity, and they tend to be loners.

Finally the spiritual need, as earlier discussed in a previous post, the often missing dimension in marriage, so also it is with our children. They must be given the opportunity to know God and serve him, if you are godly, then teach your children to also obey (Eph. 6:1; 1 Tim. 3:4), give them the necessary guidance and direction on how to know God and be disciplined into a mature relationship with him. Remember that parents must teach God’s truth at all times Deut. 4:9; 32:46). Failure to do this can result in untold hardship as a result of loses of direction and focus.

Our children are our greatest assets, our most valuable investments and also the most valuable fruit of the kingdom of God; let us therefore faithfully bring them up so that we can be confident that our efforts from age 0-9months and beyond will not be in vain (Prov. 22:6).

28 March 2008

Entrecard Discretion Required (EDR).

Sexual Intimacy, this was originally supposed to be between a man and a woman, correct me if I’m wrong. But is there any intimacy in a threesome, foursome or whatever some perverted minds chose to call it. I was on a blog today, featured on one of the entrecard blogs and I was so disgusted I just decided to stop the whole EC business.
Usually when I drop cards on other blogs, I always make it a point of duty to visit the blog’s featured blog, but guess where I found myself, a site that not only promote sex between couples, lesbianism, homosexuality, but also gave graphic description of her escapades. I thought such things are supposed to be restricted to people that fancy them rather than being openly displayed in the name of EC advertising.
I am totally outraged and disappointed because I felt that the whole EC business is supposed to be respectable. And believe me that may not be the only site/blog in that category. So be very careful when dropping cards, accepting adverts and placing adverts on other sites, because some of those blogs are not listed under the appropriate category, they have refreshingly nice name, a tame title and description, you may not suspect what they are about until you read them.

Have a blessed weekend.

25 March 2008


Easter is a time to reflect on the death of Christ and also celebrate his resurrection. He died that we may have life and have it in abundance. We all need to remember His free gift of forgiveness and likewise give this out to our families, friends, neighbours and loved ones. His death is an open check already prepared for us, even when we are yet to know him, that anytime we call to him for forgiveness, he is ever ready to forgive us.

We need to have the spirit of forgiveness. We need to stop holding people for the offence they have committed against us. It is important to forgive others so that we can be forgiven and free our minds from the burden of bitterness, anger, resentment and often times grudges that come with unforgiving spirit. When we forgive, we will be able to sleep better and go out of our way to show kindness and love to the person that was forgiven.

Forgiveness is important in marriage even though it hurts, most especially when it must be extended to a husband or wife who doesn’t deserve it, who hasn’t earned it, who may misuse it. It is also hard to forgive in a marriage tense with past troubles, tormented by fears of rejection and humiliation, and torn by suspicion and distrust. But forgive we must in other for us to have God’s kind of marriage and a home that radiates the perfect love of God.

With his death on the cross, God has paid the terrible price that is necessary for our forgiveness. Knowing beforehand that forgiveness, which is our greatest need, may be too costly and the price too much for us to pay sent us a Savior to redeem us. We must learn to forgive and forget because whatever God forgives, he forgets.
To err is human
To forgive is divine.

20 March 2008

The Often Missing Dimension in Marriage

Reading through Tim & Beverly LaHaye’s book titled the Act of Marriage, has been something of an experience for me. It has given me a whole new insight to the institution of marriage. I am going to share what I gained from the book here for the benefit of those who have not read it.

The missing dimension is one of the topics treated in the Act of Marriage. It talked about a person being four parts consisting of the physical, mental, emotional and the spiritual often viewed as unimportant but the most significant of all.

The Physical part of marriage is important, so much so that when not properly taken care of often result in break-up. The physical part of our nature cannot be ignored because it is a gift from God.
We cannot also ignore the Emotional aspect because the physical part of marriage cannot be possible without the emotional. There have to be some quality emotions in the relationship for couples to be able to connect properly in the act of lovemaking, a sort of emotional bonding and a touch.

The Mental part has to do with the mind of the person, how it works. This has a vital role to play in marriage because the likes and dislikes, which indirectly produce our feelings, are first registered in the mind.

The Spiritual is the missing dimension, the missing puzzle, and the ingredients that lots of marriage lack. According to the book, those who neglect the spiritual side of their nature will only be capable of limited operation; they can never be the effective persons God made them to be. God has implanted the spiritual part of our nature to stabilize our minds, bodies and hearts.

Therefore for good success in marriage (remember God want us to prosper in all things and also have good success) the spiritual part of our nature must not be ignored. Each partner must ensure they dedicate quality time and effort to each other's spiritual growth.

13 March 2008

Prove yourself trustworthy

I have heard that two wrongs never a make a right so many times, and I always relate it to when two people are in a dispute or serious argument over something. But recently I got to relate it to marriage and what I find was not too palatable at all. Sometimes when a spouse does something wrong, the other partner, in most cases find it very difficult to correct especially where the husband is the culprit, some wife will rather be mum than risk the wrath of the husband. I have witness cases like the father asking a child to tell a visitor he does not want to see that he is not at home, while he was right there in his bedroom, the wife did not see anything wrong with it. We need to prove ourselves worthy of our families trust especially our growing children. Some men lied to their wives about their whereabouts after office hours and vice versa. Remembering what apostle Paul wrote in 2 Cor. 13:5a “prove your own selves”. Because everyone make mistake, you are not expected to be perfect, (Eccl 7:20 “For there is not a just man upon earth, that do good, and sinned not.”) but does the pattern of your behaviour give your family members or people around you reason to doubt you and withhold their trust?

Lastly remember also that the degree to which you are trusted is a result of how trustworthy you have proven yourself either in your home, office, among friends and relatives.
Pray for us: for we trust we have a good conscience, in all things willing to live honestly – Heb. 13:18

07 March 2008

Small steps.

This simply means that everything begins with something unimportant, insignificant. To be a great person like most people in the world today and some great men and women in the bible, one has to learn to be faithful in small things. Taking small steps is necessary and a great idea because greatness is a function of small steps taken consistently and continuously in the right direction. Greatness is sometimes hidden in small steps that one takes or refuses to take and it is always better to fail at doing something to succeed than folding our hands and not do anything.

Some people depend on others to make a living instead of taking a small step towards independence. I have seen a lot of family suffer because the head of the home is waiting for a big opportunity to land on his doorstep when he could have start something small hoping and praying for greatness from there.

My advise to everyone today is, don’t fold your hands and watch while others achieve greatness through taking small steps. Don’t let what you can’t do stop you from doing what you can do and don’t also let what you don’t have stop you from enjoying what you do have. Take a small step towards your dream and the end will be greatness for you and your household.

Be blessed and have a wonderful weekend.

03 March 2008

Can married couple be happy without lovemaking?

I was thinking over an incident my husband told me about, few weeks back and I asked myself the above question, the only answer I could think of was NO! Few weeks back, my husband came home from a site visit and told me that a tragic incident had happened close by the site where they were working that day. A man had hanged himself because he was impotent! The man was said to have been married for sometime now, a senior lecturer in a university, had published series of book and made money, in short, he had it all, but had to take his own life because of he could not satisfy the urges of his body.
I answered no because when we look at marriage and lovemaking, we will clearly see that lovemaking is an act that God ordained from the creation of time, his intention was that sex be used rightly inside and and not outside of marriage, sex is so important to his plan for our marriages, it is his gift to married couples for procreation and for pleasure, to be shared lovingly with appreciation and gratitude. One must not deny another except with consent (1 Cor 7:5) and if done right, I think it is the most beautiful aspect of marriage. Couples should not be ashamed of discussing problems and preferences concerning their sexual life with each other, as a matter of fact, where there is love, there should be no shame, rather openness which bring the couples closer together and with that there will be no need to hide any disability or problems that could cause one to go to extreme length to cover up.
A lot of Christian marriages are often in trouble because of a simple thing as sex. Christians are suppose to enjoy their marriages more that any other and also have sexual satisfaction because of God’s divine plan for marriage and sexuality (1 Cor. 7) but I have found out that some couples don’t even know intimate details about themselves. We had a family weekend once and there was a dinner for married couples, tagged couples night, the invited minister was our provincial pastor and I was amazed at the things he said, for a pastor I was quite impressed with his views on sexual relations in marriage. And from all this I drew my conclusion that lovemaking is an essential part of marriage. Even though some claim sex is not that important to them, I still think the urge is always there, apart from those who like Paul have decided to abide (1 Cor 7:7-8) but others believe that it’s only for procreating and apart from that deny their body’s craving and try hard to repress it but continue to lust in their heart.

If you can answer it better please feel free to leave your views in the comment box. Thank you!