21 August 2008

Polygamy, what a life!

Recently I met an old friend of my whom I have not seen for years. At first glance I could not recognise her because of marked changes in her physique, personality and even looks. She was once a beautiful black woman, who was always impeccably groomed, she also had lots of confidence in herself and her looks.
I was at a market trying to buy some items when I heard someone timidly called out my name. I looked back and I asked how I might help her, she then introduced herself, and I instantly recognised her voice even though it no longer sound confident and vibrant. I could not believe my eyes, I quickly drew her aside and asked her about all our mutual friends so as to confirm she is truly who she claim to be. It was then I asked her about the changes in her. I could not the story she told me.
"After youth service, I decided to work for a while so I can get myself organised before Mr Right came. I secured employment with a small oil servicing firm, a very promising job, good salary and great conditions of service. In the course of working I met the CEO of the firm and he showed an interest in me, I was too awed to say no because he was very rich and owns several small companies, filling stations and some other interests abroad. I sought the opinions of other friends and I was advised to accept him if I still want to retain my job. I was undecided because he was a divorcee and even had children in the university. I finally gave in and the relationship bloomed so much so that he proposed to me, I refused and of course he pampered me so much that I eventually gave in and after a while I found out I was pregnant for him. I was devastated because even though he had proposed, my parents were not aware of the relationship; they simply believed my job paid so well that I could afford all the luxury I had and even travel on out of the country on vacations.
The matter came to a head when the pregnancy started to show, we decided that he should visit my parents with members of his family to ask for my hand in marriage. When my mum heard, she was devastated, she cried herself sick because she entered into a polygamous home when she knew no better. She became a Christian in the course of the marriage and vowed that none of her children will ever go into polygamy as long as she was alive.
We did a small traditional marriage and I moved into his house full time. It was then I realised that the wife he claimed to have divorced still live under the same roof with him. I did not know this because he got a big apartment that was well furnished for me, which was where I stayed until few months after the marriage when I vehemently decided to move into his house before delivery. My friend, I saw hell, the first wife was a firebrand, in fact from what I heard from some of the servants, she has sent several other women the man married packing and the ones that refused to leave died mysteriously. By then I was scared, afraid for my life and it was then my eyes opened and I realised I have messed up my life.
I was delivered of a baby girl, and from that moment on never had peace for one moment unless when I was outside the home. I had no one to turn to, my mum had made it clear that she had no hand in it and if it backfires I should not call on her. The few friends I had are not Christian and they started taking me round in the hope of finding peace in the home. Our husband dies in the process and that was when I was sent packing by the woman with the help of other members of our husband’s family whom she had bribed.
I was now back to square one, they did not allow me take anything except items belonging to my daughter. That was how I came to be moving from one friends house to the other seeking for help. Those friends that advised me back then were the first ones to deny me, I was told they did not want me to snatch their husbands from them. I saw you while packing the car and I quickly decided to take my chances and see if you can only help me to get a job with which I can take care of my child.

Very tragic! Now she needed to know what to do next, is she to sue the woman for her daughter’s share of the property since the man made no will? Or what?
My advice to her is to first and foremost, give her life to the Lord Jesus and forget about her daughter’s share of whatever the man left. She should try and get her life back and that means she has to go back to the woman to collect her belongings from the house, especially her credentials.
Please, reasonable advice is urgently needed.


2 Reaction(s).:

3rd... said...

The story is very tragic, though I think the title is totally misplaced.. It's not polygamy which ruined her life, it's her own lack of asseritveness. Or is she living in a non-Western society? I mean - losing a job unless you consent to a relationship with the boss??, getting groomed into saying yes to marriage??, not revealing it to parents due to fear of...?, co-wife which possibly killed previous wives??

I hope you help this lady, but keep your distance as the story seems so far fetched that she might be trying to fool you for her own gain.

I am sorry if my comment isn't really what you was looking for. I just think you need to be carefull.

Bola said...

Thanks for your comment.What i tried to imply by that title is this, because she grew up in a polygamous home, she actually saw nothing wrong with her getting into one,untill the mother started telling her the other side of it.Secondly, this happened in Nigeria.I don't know what actually transpired then, if she was threatened or not, but all i know is polygamous is like a dreadful disease where i'm concerned,in this country, a man can marry as many wives as possible,some religion even allow it.