17 October 2007

Marriage and ultimatum.

Recently I have heard complaints from both men and women alike about their spouses seeking to force them into making decisions on some issues or the other. This is bad for marriage, it does not promote love and harmony and it almost always lead to marriage break-ups. It goes like;
You have to choose between your family and me…………………
You really need to make up your mind about this now!
I need to have my own kids, don’t you get it?
I want male children or else……….
One more kid, you know I love children so much, how can you bear to deny me that pleasure?
I don’t like my wife working, I told you that before! And so on.
Sometimes we need to come to an understanding in other to make things right. Where there is love, there should also be sacrifices, we need to allow marriage to teach us forbearance, perseverance, self-restraint and a lot of other qualities we would not have needed if we’d stayed single.
I knew a woman who had five girls, and the husband was always on her back to try for another child whether it will be a boy, the woman resisted and the husband just kept mute over the issue, but his attitude towards the wife changed, he was no longer the loving husband and father, found every opportunity to complain about everything. Eventually after series of advice from friend on how she has to give in to the husband if she wanted to still be in marriage, she gave in, delivered the highly coveted son but lost her life in the process.
Another example of this was a wife who asked the husband to choose between his mother and her just because she felt the husband was paying too much attention to the mother’s financial and physical well being. She started by denying the husband his marital right. The husband was pushed into having an affair with another woman who did not care how much time or money the man spend on his mother, he finally abandoned the wife and two children to move in with the other lady.
A female bank executive, who has over the years build a good career and has earned the respect of her colleagues in the industry, got promoted and had to go on transfer to another branch of the bank across the country, at first everybody was happy but after a while, the husband got tired of taking care of the kids and their home in her absence, they tried to reach an agreement but it was not just good for the man, as he claimed he missed the wife in every way possible. The woman employed a live-in help, to assist the husband to take care of the children and other household chores like cooking, washing, etc. Unfortunately for the woman, before she came on her next visit, the live-in help had already taken over her entire home including the husband.
What gives?
I must honestly say that in a relationship where love exists, there is nothing like do it or else……….. It is only when love is fading away or totally lacking that a partner looks for excuse to issue commands that must be obeyed with military precision. Lets learn to live with and tolerate our partner’s shortcomings hoping and praying that he/she will eventually change.

8 Reaction(s).:

cbenc12 said...

well written, a great post. makes me think if i am forcing my bf too much sometimes.. i should loosen up a bit and have less expectation from him.. and give more too..
thanks for a good article~

Bro. Tee said...

Thanks for sharing this. The Bible makes it clear what love is all about, but I must confess each of us are having some definition that are too complicated to be understood by anyone (including us the generator of such definitions).
I really wish I can adhere 100% all the time to the simple tips you've share in this article.
However, I promise never to give up on myself or my spouse. We must make it to heaven together, there is no alternative ;-)

Carla said...

Bola, thanks for your lovely post on my blog. Always nice to hear what other people think abouth my paintings. Good blog you have, this weekend I will make time to read it better. I wish you the best, greetings from the Netherlands

Bola said...

My prayer is that God teach us how to relate well with our patners and persevere also.We are all guilty of this sin,I remember vividly that I once issued an ultimatum to my hubby which could have resulted in lots of problem not only btw us but both families if not for the wisdom he applied,and I later had to mellow down enough to retract it.Nobody is perfect,we should all try to learn to give more than we expect, and ask God's will in any decision making.
Peace an Love.

Nijawife said...

Nice post you have here.Marriage should be give and take thing but our culture has made it seem as if its a one way thing and our men whether educated or not see nothing wrong with that.God should continue to give us wisdom to handle such situation

Omodudu said...

Living for something other than oneself is the hardest part of marriage. I have learned an easy way out, though not yet married, I have learned from my past failings. I seriously have no clue but to Just try and try and try to be like Jesus. As cheesy as that may sound in this days. I promise you have tried many other techniques. Now I have resigned and am learning how to die daily. It works so much better if the partner understands this too. Did I ever mention that I am a fan of this blog. Oh yes, not too shy to say that, I really am.

Shinade said...

Hi Bola,
This is a very powerful and wonderful post. And also sadly very true. Thanks for sharing. Wow your site looks great. I have tagged you for a small meme but it's not quite ready yet. I am just now getting links. Thanks for sharing such a powerful message.
God Bless,

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